flanerie.org

[found on Ananova]
A third of Brits don't know Shakespeare wrote plays - and many of them think he was King of England.

A new survey also reveals 25% didn't realise John Keats was a poet, with some saying his famous Odes were written by Robbie Williams.

Others believed poet Sylvia Plath was lead singer of the Black Eyed Peas. Less than a third knew Winnie the Pooh author A A Milne was a writer.

Our ignorance about our famous authors was revealed in a poll of 3,000 people. It also showed almost two thirds did not know Oscar Wilde wrote The Importance of Being Earnest.

Some 70% have never written a poem to a loved one though two thirds would like to receive one.

Poet laureate Andrew Motion, 55, said: "Although most people accept that poetry has a vital role in personal as well as national life, these findings show a depressing level of ignorance.

"The good news is that 61% said they would like to have poetry play a role in their lives - in which case we hope they might also want to write one."

A cruise firm is offering a seven-night holiday to the writer of the best poem, chosen by Andrew. The framed work will be displayed on board.

[found on stuff.co.nz]
It is the one moment every man wants to get right – and which London floor-fitter Lefkos Hajji could hardly have got more wrong.

The luckless 28 year-old's dreams of giving his sweetheart, Leanne, 26, the ultimate proposal have literally vanished into thin air.

Hajji, of Hackney, east London, had concealed a £6,000 ($NZ14,895) engagement ring inside a helium balloon. The idea was that she would pop the balloon as he popped the question.

But as he left the shop, a gust of wind pulled the balloon from his hand and he watched the ring – and quite possibly the affections of his girlfriend – sailing away over the rooftops.

"I couldn't believe it," he told The Sun newspaper.

"I just watched as it went further and further into the air.

"I felt like such a plonker. It cost a fortune and I knew my girlfriend would kill me."

Hajji spent two hours in his car trying to chase and find the balloon, without success.

"I thought I would give Leanne a pin so I could literally pop the question," he said.

"But I had to tell her the story – she went absolutely mad. Now she is refusing to speak to me until I get her a new ring."

He is hoping the ring will still turn up.

"It would be amazing if someone found it," he added.

[found on stuff.co.nz]
A drunken Australian man who took a nap between railway tracks has had a miraculous escape after he was run over by a freight train and received only minor injuries and a bump on the head.

The 20-year-old, whose name was not released, fell asleep at a level crossing at Port Augusta, in South Australia state, when the train approached about 3.40am, newspapers said on Friday.

The driver saw the man and slammed on the emergency brake, but the train, carrying 3000 tonnes of freight, was unable to stop in time and rolled over him, halting only after it had passed.

The General Manager of the train company, Tony Aldridge, said railway tracks were "not the best place" to take a nap.

"It was probably lucky he was lying in such a way that the train actually went over him rather than across him," he told The Australian newspaper, adding that the clearance under the train was only 30cm (11 inches).

The man was taken to Port Augusta hospital with minor injuries. He apparently hit his head on the train while trying to sit up.

[from El Reg]
A 29-year-old Washington driver who last Thursday night drifted into the oncoming lane before crashing into a light pole failed to convince police officers that flying dinosaurs were to blame, HeraldNet reports.

The 29-year-old Wenatchee man apparently wandered off course "for less than a block" while oncoming traffic obligingly stopped to let him pass en route to said pole. Wenatchee police Sgt. Cherie Smith said that a breathalyzer test showed "a minimal amount of alcohol", although officers' queries as to what had caused the prang were met with the single-word answer "pterodactyl".

The man was treated in hospital and later released. He has been charged with first-degree negligent driving.

Firefighters in Australia have rescued a man who was trapped up a chimney for more than 10 hours at Christmas.

They believe the man was trying to break in to the Gapview Hotel in Alice Springs at midnight when he got stuck.

The 21-year-old man was discovered by a staff member who heard him moaning the next morning, reports ABC News.

Firefighters and ambulance officers spent one-and-a-half-hours trying to free the man, eventually removing a brick fireplace with jackhammers and masonry saws before pulling him out.

Alice Springs fire station officer Mark James said the man had been stuck for about 10 hours with his knees jammed tightly into his chest.

He said: "He was like a grub in a cocoon when we found him. He was really wedged in there. Imagine being in the tightest ball you can, and being in that position for 10 hours.

"He was pretty embarrassed and ashamed, so he didn't say much when we got him out. He was obviously feeling sore and sorry for himself."

The man was taken to the Alice Springs Hospital where he is stable with minor back and leg injuries. Police will interview him when he is released.

[from El Reg]
An unnamed Michigan man is facing "a bevy of misdemeanor charges, including child endangerment, allowing an intoxicated person to drive his car, and allowing an unlicensed minor to drive" after asking his 13-year-old son to occupy the driver's seat because he was too sozzled to take the wheel.

The problem was, the lad was drunk too, and in attempting to get home, turned the vehicle into the Clio city park and rolled it off the pavement where it "became stuck in the muddy soil".

Cue the arrival of a Clio cop on routine patrol who was "was surprised to find a 13-year-old behind the wheel, with his father in the passenger seat", and "open beer and schnapps containers" in the car, as The Flint Journal explains.

Clio Police Chief James McLellan said of the 8 November incident: "This is not your typical event."

Father and son were both cuffed, with the boy claiming he "didn't want to drive because he was too drunk". He has "been petitioned into juvenile court on charges that include driving while intoxicated", the police said.

McLellan concluded: "Most parents are more responsible in my experience. The father definitely has some serious issues to address. Hopefully, they can get it worked out in the [court] system."

[from El Reg]
A Nottinghamshire lad had a "birthday to remember" after a stripper turned up at his school, burst into his drama class and proceeded to flaunt herself like a two-buck hussy as shocked teacher and students looked on.

According to the Telegraph, the clothes-shedding strumpet was dispatched to Nottingham's Arnold Hill School and Technology College at the behest of the boy's mum, who also asked his teacher to film the event.

The stripper entered the classroom halfway through the lesson, and then, as a fellow pupil recounted to the Daily Mail: "She asked the lad to stand up, which he did, and told him he had been a very naughty boy because he hadn't been doing his homework. Then she put on some Britney Spears music and got out a collar and lead from her bag and told him to put them on.

"No one could believe it. Next she ordered him to get on all fours, led him around the classroom and hit him 16 times - once for each year - on the bottom with her whip. Then she took off some clothes until she was down to her bra and pants, pulled out some cream, put it on her buttocks and told him to rub it in.

"To be fair to the teacher, you could tell she was just stunned - and when the cream came out she told the stripper 'That's it. That's enough'."

It apparently was enough for the honoured guest of this show, since he "ran out of the classroom while the stripper calmly packed her bag and left".

A spokeswoman for Nottinghamshire County Council said no one had been suspended and the police were not involved. She added: "We and the school are investigating into the situation."

And in case you're wondering what kind of parent would subject their offspring to this kind of humiliation, the mother in question told the school she'd actually ordered a gorilla "through an agency", but got the cream-loving dog-handler instead.

An Oz chap who broke into a neighbour's house and "played sex games in the bathroom with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner" was fingered two years after the outrage by the DNA he left on a pair of rubber gloves, Reuters reports.

Jamie Lacey, 27, was "high on drugs" when he entered the Brisbane house in September 2004. Accordingly, he decided not to make off with the silver but rather scatter porn mags around the bathroom and construct "a sex toy from a bottle of detergent, a piece of wood and a rubber glove".

He was eventually cuffed in December 2006 on the basis of the DNA evidence, and duly hauled before the beak. The court heard a vacuum cleaner was also discovered in the bathroom, although the defence maintained there was no proof Lacey had indulged in intercourse with the device.

Judge Tony Rafter, however, rejected this, declaring: "I'm sure that your client didn't Hoover the carpets."

Rafter sentenced Lacey to 12 months' community service, sparing him jail since he'd cleaned up his act, held a job for two years and was now a father.

A West Virginia man sent a text offering weed to the State Police by mistake Wednesday, and is now cooling his heels in the big house, AP reports.

Joshua Wayne Cadle, 19, allegedly sent the message Wednesday to a phone number that used to belong to a 'friend', only to discover that the cursed number now belonged to the state police.

State Police Trooper B.H. Moore said Thursday that an unidentified officer received the errant text on Wednesday and set up a meeting in a shopping center parking lot that night. The trooper booked Cadle for delivery of a controlled substance and possession with intent to deliver.

"He text messaged that and asked his friend if he wanted to buy some reefer," Moore said.

Almost as shocking to us is the persistence of the word 'reefer' in the common vernacular in certain more rural areas of the republic. No word on whether reefer-induced madness or some other type of short-term mental malfunction contributed to the incriminating text imbroglio.

[from El Reg]
A North Carolina teenager who decided the best way to cool his Xbox's overheating power supply was to stick it in a bowl of water was knocked unconcious by the resulting electric shock and earned himself a trip to hospital with "minor burns to his right hand and foot".

According to local news reports, the 14-year-old Brevard youth was having a spot of bother with his console which would shut down every five minutes. His mum told the press he "thought the problem was likely linked to overheating" and duly "tried to fix it on his own based on tips he found online".

This apparently involved wrapping the offending power supply in plastic and tape and dunking it in said bowl "while it was still plugged in". His mother explained: "When I left to go next door he was playing a game but when I got back he was laying on his back on the floor and unconscious."

The young man was subsequently detained overnight at the local Transylvania Community Hospital.