September 2007 Entries

September 26, 2007

Arise, Sir Fuckwit

The head of the Catholic Church in Mozambique has told the BBC he believes some European-made condoms are infected with HIV deliberately.

Maputo Archbishop Francisco Chimoio claimed some anti-retroviral drugs were also infected "in order to finish quickly the African people".

The Catholic Church formally opposes any use of condoms, advising fidelity within marriage or sexual abstinence.

Aids activists have been angered by the remarks, one calling them "nonsense".

"We've been using condoms for years now, and we still find them safe," prominent Mozambican Aids activist Marcella Mahanjane told the BBC.

The UN says anti-retrovirals (ARVs) have proved very effective for treating people with Aids. The drugs are not a cure, but attack the virus on several fronts at once.

The BBC's Jose Tembe in the capital, Maputo, says it is estimated that 16.2% of Mozambique's 19m inhabitants are HIV positive.

About 500 people are infected every day.

Archbishop Chimoio told our reporter that abstention, not condoms, was the best way to fight HIV/Aids.

"Condoms are not sure because I know that there are two countries in Europe, they are making condoms with the virus on purpose," he alleged, refusing to name the countries.

"They want to finish with the African people. This is the programme. They want to colonise until up to now. If we are not careful we will finish in one century's time."

Aids activists in the country have been shocked by the archbishop's comments.

"Condoms are one of the best ways of getting protection against catching Aids," said Gabe Judas, who runs Tchivirika (Hard Work) - an theatre group that promotes HIV/Aids awareness.

"People must use condoms as it's a safe way of having sex without catching Aids," he told the BBC.

Archbishop Chimoio, who made the remarks at celebrations to mark 43 years of independence, said that fighting the disease was a serious matter.

"If we are joking with this sickness we will be finished as soon as possible.

"If we want to change the situation to face HIV/Aids it's necessary to have a new mentality, if we don't change mentality we'll be finished quickly," he said.

"It means marriage, people being faithful to their wives... (and) young people must be abstaining from sexual relations."

Our correspondent says the archbishop is well respected in the country and the Catholic Church played a leading role in sponsoring the 1992 peace deal that ended a 16-year civil war.

Some 17.5% of Mozambicans are Catholic.

September 23, 2007

Oh dear

An Oz chap who broke into a neighbour's house and "played sex games in the bathroom with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner" was fingered two years after the outrage by the DNA he left on a pair of rubber gloves, Reuters reports.

Jamie Lacey, 27, was "high on drugs" when he entered the Brisbane house in September 2004. Accordingly, he decided not to make off with the silver but rather scatter porn mags around the bathroom and construct "a sex toy from a bottle of detergent, a piece of wood and a rubber glove".

He was eventually cuffed in December 2006 on the basis of the DNA evidence, and duly hauled before the beak. The court heard a vacuum cleaner was also discovered in the bathroom, although the defence maintained there was no proof Lacey had indulged in intercourse with the device.

Judge Tony Rafter, however, rejected this, declaring: "I'm sure that your client didn't Hoover the carpets."

Rafter sentenced Lacey to 12 months' community service, sparing him jail since he'd cleaned up his act, held a job for two years and was now a father.

September 21, 2007

Unsafe text

A West Virginia man sent a text offering weed to the State Police by mistake Wednesday, and is now cooling his heels in the big house, AP reports.

Joshua Wayne Cadle, 19, allegedly sent the message Wednesday to a phone number that used to belong to a 'friend', only to discover that the cursed number now belonged to the state police.

State Police Trooper B.H. Moore said Thursday that an unidentified officer received the errant text on Wednesday and set up a meeting in a shopping center parking lot that night. The trooper booked Cadle for delivery of a controlled substance and possession with intent to deliver.

"He text messaged that and asked his friend if he wanted to buy some reefer," Moore said.

Almost as shocking to us is the persistence of the word 'reefer' in the common vernacular in certain more rural areas of the republic. No word on whether reefer-induced madness or some other type of short-term mental malfunction contributed to the incriminating text imbroglio.

September 18, 2007

In conversation with Verity

Age: 2 years, 131 days.

Her: "I hide your cuff links"

"Oh. Where are they?"

"I don't know. I don't remember"

September 15, 2007

Woman vs 15ft Snake. Woman wins

[from BBC News. I am going to Hong Kong soon (more details in due course) and will look be on the lookout for the vicious beast. And the snake.]

A Hong Kong woman kicked and punched a 4.5 metre (15 foot) Burmese python to wrest free her pet dog after the snake wrapped itself around it.

Catherine Leonard grappled with the python after it attacked Poppy during a walk in the Sai Kung country park.

Ms Leonard, 41, said she heard "a yelping that was like a scream".

She said she acted because she remembered a husky dog was crushed by a python last year in the same area despite the owner's attempt to save it.

Ms Leonard told the South China Morning Post she had been alerted by the barking of one of her other dogs.

"I'm not sure exactly what I did but I kicked it and I tried to pull Poppy free. The snake was twisted around her.

"Somehow Poppy managed to get away and the python slithered away. It was all over in about a minute."

Ms Leonard said she was "shaken afterwards and really scared".

"If I'd had the chance to think about it, I wouldn't have done what I did, but I hear the dog in distress and I just waded in there."

Snake expert Dave Willott told the AFP news agency that Poppy would have been "unconscious within two minutes and dead within five".

He said it was unusual for the dog to have been released.

"They usually don't let go, not when they've locked onto their prey."

Burmese pythons can grow to a weight of 180kg (400 pounds) and a length of eight metres.

Ms Leonard warned action should be taken to relocate the python.

"These two attacks have both been close to the family walk... A small child would weigh less than my dog."

September 12, 2007

Bee is for breast

[from El Reg]
A Taiwanese woman was sporting a brand spanking new breast implant this week after her previous joy bag was punctured in a freak bee stinging incident.

The apine dive bomber attacked the 31 year old last month as she was riding her motorcycle while wearing a low cut dress, Ananova reports. Despite the fact that saline implants are supposed to withstand pressures of 200Kg, the woman said her right breast “disappeared” in just two days.

Subsequent investigations showed the saline from the boob propper-upper had leaked as a result of the bee attack.

The surgeon who reinstalled the girl’s right Bulgarian air bag put the incident down to the fact that she was “very skinny” which meant the skin on her breasts was therefore very thin and prone to puncturing when attacked by enraged pollen collectors.

He has now advised her to avoid acupuncture in future, and, curiously, yoga.

September 9, 2007

All marketers need to die

[found on Ananova]
Paddington Bear is courting controversy by swapping his famous marmalade sandwiches for Marmite.

Fans are bound to accuse the bear of selling out when TV viewers see him appear in an advert for Marmite.

Paddington enjoys a Marmite sandwich, then shares it with a distinctly unimpressed pigeon, reflecting the spread's 'love it or hate it' slogan.

The bear has been eating marmalade sandwiches since he was found on a station platform by Mr and Mrs Brown at the start of Michael Bond's first Paddington book 49 years ago.

Cheryl Calverley, Marmite brand manager, said: "We are really excited to be working with Paddington Bear.

"Both the Marmite brand and Paddington bear are British institutions and bring back warm nostalgic childhood memories."

Karen Jankel, managing director of Paddington and Co, said: "I think fans might be perturbed if they thought he was giving up marmalade, but they should know he's not. He just wanted to try something different."

September 7, 2007

Cutthroat? Schmutthroat

[found on Ananova]
Efforts to save a rare fish suffered a setback when scientists realised they'd been restocking rivers and lakes with the wrong species.

Researchers at the University of Colorado have been trying to restore the cutthroat trout, Colorado's official state fish, to its native habitat since the early 1970s.

They described the blow to the expensive, decades-long effort as a "setback", reports the Rocky Mountain News.

"This was a very surprising result," said Jessica Metcalf, a researcher at CU who led the study. "It's not at all what we expected."

The greenback cutthroat, named for the brilliant crimson slashes behind its jaw, was named Colorado's state fish in 1994.

It had been declared endangered in 1973 when the scheme was launched to restore the species using sperm and eggs from what were believed to be nine relic populations.

However, using DNA analysis, researchers recently found that five of those nine relic populations weren't greenback cutthroats at all, but Colorado River cutthroats.

Bruce Rosenlund of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, played down the discovery and said only DNA technology could tell the difference between the two species.

"Our feeling for a long time has been that they were very, very closely related and indistinguishable... other than the fact that one's on the east side of the Continental Divide and one's on the west side," he said.

September 5, 2007

Latest goat news

[from El Reg]
Nepal Airlines has apparently fixed an electrical fault on one of its Boeing 757s by sacrificing two goats in appeasement of Hindu sky god Akash Bhairab, Reuters reports.

The airline boasts two Boeings, and one was reportedly giving it a certain amount of grief leading to suspension of services over the past few weeks. However, the quick dispatch to the hereafter of two caprine sacrifies in front of the "troublesome" machine at Kathmandu on Sunday quickly resolved the matter.

Senior airline official, Raju K.C, declined to elaborate on the exact nature of the problem, but confirmed: "The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights."

September 3, 2007

Seven down

On the recent holiday weekend we went horse racing at Beverly in Yorkshire. Well, the horses went racing, with leprechauns as passengers, and we merely watched and wagered.

Beverly is number seven in my very long-term mission to visit all 59 racecourses in Britain, the others so far being Towcester, Windsor, Goodwood, Sandown, Cheltenham and Newbury.

(I have also been to Ascot racecourse for a seminar on company law. That doesn't count.)

The day was lovely, the turf action was very good and the wagering was a fiasco. Seven races, eight bets, no wins. Thankfully I am still spending winnings from the Newbury coup, so it doesn't stick in the craw too much.

Next on the list is probably York, since it is a city that warrants a long weekend visit.

September 1, 2007

Holy down-facing dog

[found on Ananova]
A toddler group has been thrown out of a church hall because its yoga lessons are considered un-Christian.

Teacher Louise Woodcock, 41, was told her classes would affect children's spiritual life.

She was also warned that it was unlikely that any Christian organisation would host them, reports the Daily Mirror.

Mum-of-one Louise said: "It's crazy. It is kids pretending to be animals and doing exercise to rhymes. There is nothing that could damage their minds.

"Yoga is non-religious and has been around for thousands of years. My 22-month-old Summer loves it."

After being rejected in June by the Silver Street Baptist church in Taunton, Somerset, Louise's Yum Yum Yoga classes were also turned away by a C of E church.

Rev Simon Farrar, the minister at Silver Street, said: "When we let rooms to people they must be fully in line with our Christian ethos.

"Yoga impinges on the spiritual life in a way we don't believe is the same as our ethos. She has called it yoga and therefore there is a dividing line we are not prepared to cross."

Qualified yoga teacher Louise has now found a hall to hold her music and movement classes.