May 2007 Entries

May 31, 2007

Cows for cocks

[according to Ananova...]
Serbian men are swapping their prize cows to get a bigger penis.

The bizarre exchange was revealed by the country's top plastic surgeon Srecko Djordjevic who said dozens of farmers obsessed with the size of their penis had traded in their prize cows for larger members.

He said: "The size of a man's member seems to play a big role in our society and the price of the operation, around £400, is almost exactly what a good cow is worth - so farmers are choosing to swap a cow if it means a bigger penis."

The urologist, who is based in the central town of Kragujevac, told the news agency Sina that the only problem had been that some farmers had unrealistic ideas of what they could get for their money.

He said: "Some of them want to add 10 centimetres and that is just not possible - at least not for just one cow."

May 29, 2007

Small kids and big shoes

Is it something genetic, or just the early budding of a foot fetish that in most people fades away before they are old enough to be a real nuisance?

In my house there is real competition for my shoes between the kid and the labrador. A battle between snot and drool in which only I, and my shoes, can be the losers.

May 23, 2007

Legless

BERLIN: A wheelchair-bound German stunned police when they pulled him over for using the road and found he was 10 times over the legal alcohol limit for drivers.

"He was right in the middle of the road," said a spokesman for police in the northeastern city of Schwerin on Tuesday. "The officers couldn't quite believe it when they saw the results of the breath test. That's a life-threatening figure."

The 31-year-old told police he had been out drinking with a friend and was about 2 km from home when a squad car stopped him as he passed through the village of Ventschow.

Police said that because the man was technically travelling as a pedestrian, he could not be charged with a driving offence.

"It's not like we can impound his wheelchair," the spokesman said. "But he is facing some sort of punishment. It's just not clear yet what exactly that will be."

May 20, 2007

Carter's Steam Fair

West Wycombe, 18 May

If steam engines captivate you as a boy, they will continue to do so for your whole life. That's my theory anyway.

I had a Meccano steam engine when I was young. It remains one of the coolest things ever.

May 18, 2007

15 years?

[ananova reports...]
A US mother-of-three has invented a sex toy that connects to a vacuum cleaner to give an orgasm in just ten seconds.

The gadget, called Vortex Vibrations, works by concentrating the air flow to create a rapid and gentle vibration, reports the Sun.

Joanne Drysdale's Vortex Vibrations /Lovehoney.co.uk

Inventor Joanne Drysdale claims it can give multiple, back-to-back orgasms lasting up to a minute a time - and it does not even touch the skin.

The 49-year-old former toolmaker was cleaning her carpets when she came up with the idea for Vortex, which sells for £35 through lovehoney.co.uk.

She saw how a piece of rubber that had got caught in the nozzle was gently resonating in the air flow. She also felt a soft stimulation to her fingertips as she tried to remove the rubber.

At the time Joanne, from Utah, had not had sex for 15 years following her divorce.

She said: "In my attempts to alleviate frustration, I began to think what I could do. I noticed how the rubber moved in the top of the vacuum.

"After several hours, I came up with the prototype. The first time I tried it I reached an orgasm within 10 seconds.

"That was when I knew I was on to something that could potentially bring pleasure to all women."

May 16, 2007

Cough cough

I have been suffering from a chest infection since Sunday, and if I am suffering it means everyone else is suffering.

I am no the mend now and am no longer making special requests for my funeral, although I am not quite ready to leave the house. Or my bed.

Send flowers and pizza. Thanks.

May 12, 2007

News in Brief

Last weekend I was interviewed on BBC News 24. My 30 seconds of fame was on the subject of Zopa.

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During the week Verity celebrated her second birthday. Without being fully aware of what it all meant, she clearly knew something was up and managed to force herself to wake up at 5.30am. Bastard. Anyway, we now have even more plastic tat in the house.

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At the end of the month I am going to Florence for a 4-day weekend. Also, I might at some point write up my weekend in New York.

May 10, 2007

Grim news

[the BBC, hopefully mistakenly, report...]
A virus contracted through oral sex is the cause of some throat cancers, say US scientists.

HPV infection was found to be a much stronger risk factor than tobacco or alcohol use, the Johns Hopkins University study of 300 people found.

The New England Journal of Medicine study said the risk was almost nine times higher for people who reported oral sex with more than six partners.

But experts said a larger study was needed to confirm the findings.

HPV infection is the cause of the majority of cervical cancers, and 80% of sexually active women can expect to have an HPV infection at some point in their lives.

It is important for health care providers to know that people without the traditional risk factors of tobacco and alcohol use can nevertheless be at risk of oropharyngeal cancer
Dr Gypsyamber D'Souza, study author

The Johns Hopkins study took blood and saliva from 100 men and women newly diagnosed with oropharyngeal cancer which affects the throat, tonsils and back of the tongue.

They also asked questions about sex practices and other risk factors for the disease, such as family history.

Those who had evidence of prior oral HPV infection had a 32-fold increased risk of throat cancer.

HPV16 - one of the most common cancer-causing strains of the virus - was present in the tumours of 72% of cancer patients in the study.

Risk factors

There was no added risk for people infected with HPV who also smoked and drank alcohol, suggesting the virus itself is driving the risk of the cancer.

Oral sex was said to be the main mode of transmission of HPV but the researchers said mouth-to-mouth transmission, for example through kissing, could not be ruled out.

Most HPV infections clear with little or no symptoms but a small percentage of people who acquired high-risk strains may develop a cancer, the researchers added.

Study author Dr Gypsyamber D'Souza said: "It is important for health care providers to know that people without the traditional risk factors of tobacco and alcohol use can nevertheless be at risk of oropharyngeal cancer."

Co-researcher Dr Maura Gillison said previous research by the team had suggested there was a strong link.

But she added: "People should be reassured that oropharyngeal cancer is relatively uncommon and the overwhelming majority of people with an oral HPV infection probably will not get throat cancer."

A vaccine which protects against cervical cancer caused by HPV strains 6, 11, 16 and 18, and also against genital warts is available and the researchers said the study provided a rationale for vaccinating both girls and boys.

But whether the vaccine would protect against oral HPV infection is not yet known.

Dr Julie Sharp, science information officer at Cancer Research UK, said: "There is conflicting evidence about the role of HPV, and this rare type of mouth cancer.

"As this was a small study, further research is needed to confirm these observations."

"We know that after age, the main causes of mouth cancer are smoking or chewing tobacco or betel nut, and drinking too much alcohol."

May 8, 2007

The stuff of nightmares

[El Reg reports...]
A doctor in Oregon flushed out the aching lughole of a nine-year-old boy to find two spiders had set up home inside his ear canal.

The Albany Democrat-Herald reports that one of the arachnids was still alive. Traumatised juvenile aural spider blockage victim Jesse Courtney said: "They were walking on my eardrum and I kept hearing this popping sound like Rice Krispies."

Jesse's mother Diane told the Democrat-Herald she thought the bugs had landed in his ear when he was helping her with gardening some a week earlier. "The dirt was really flying," the paper reports.

The first, dead, spider was flushed out with little difficulty, but doctors said the live arachnid took a second dousing.

Like any sane mother, Diane Courtney revealed: "My first thought was, I’m going to go home and bomb the house."

Happily, Ms Courtney decided not to napalm the family home, and has since taken the spider corpses to show off to amazed work colleagues.

May 6, 2007

Altruistic suffering

[New Scientist reports...]
HOW much pain would you put up with to help your friend? Less than you would for your close relatives, but more than you would for a charity, according to a study that looked at the basis of altruistic behaviour. For women, however, best friends rank higher than cousins, while men put all family members ahead of friends.

Psychologist Elainie Madsen of the University of St Andrews, UK, and colleagues asked 137 participants from various cultural backgrounds to inflict pain on themselves in return for a reward given to a specified person or charity. Subjects were required to squat against a wall in a sitting position, which caused pain in the thigh muscles. The longer they chose to hold the position the greater the pain, but the bigger the reward for the beneficiary. The more closely related the beneficiary was to the participant, the longer he or she held the position. Charities, however worthy, inspired the smallest sacrifice (British Journal of Psychology, vol 98, p 339).

There's an intriguing gender difference. Women tended to spread their efforts more equally among relatives than men did, as well as putting up with more pain for best friends than for cousins. This could be down to the fact that in many societies women tend to move away from their families. "Women have to get along with everybody - including their mothers-in-law," says Phyllis Lee of the University of Stirling, UK.

The other possibility, says co-author Robin Dunbar of the University of Liverpool, UK, "is that females are just more social".

May 4, 2007

Friends like these

[ananova reports...]
An Austrian teenager was run over by a tractor twice - once when he fell off and again when his friend drove back to see where he was.

Hubert Hochstetter, 17, from the village of Kainisch, fell off the tractor as he and his 22-year-old friend Josef Mittringer were driving along the road.

He fell under the back wheels of the three-ton vehicle and had his ribs and arms broken.

But his pal Mittringer who could not see his friend lying behind his back wheels reversed to look where he was, and in doing so ran him over again, this time breaking his legs.

Mittringer panicked when he saw what had happened and drove off. But witnesses called an ambulance and the teenager was treated in hospital.

Doctors said that he will be in hospital for weeks but he's expected to make a full recovery.