February 2007 Entries

February 28, 2007

Pensioner sues over sex marathon

A retired Polish teacher is suing the organisers of a world record sex session after they forgot to pixelate his face.

Leszek Szwerowski, 61, was spotted standing in line to take part in the contest organised as part of the World Sex Championships in 2003.

The contest involved three young women having sex with as many men as they could over the course of several hours.

But Szwerowski, from Warsaw, said the company behind the event, Pink-Press, reneged on promises to keep his identity secret and hide his face on film.

He said he was left embarrassed when his young nephew saw him on a later DVD of the event and told the rest of his family.

He said: "I was told that the faces of the participants would be blurred on the computer on which the film was saved. But this was not the case."

Szwerowski is demanding £2,500 in damages.
[from ananova]

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February 26, 2007

Here's looking at you

Posted by Gerald at 5:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 24, 2007

No fear

Tomorrow I head off to the French Alps for a week of snowboarding. This is my first ever such holiday and I expect to get seriously injured.

Obviously I didn't think this when I agreed to go, but since then everyone has told me that I am doomed. Apparently there is an age where is becomes more likely than not that a serious injury with be suffered. For snowboarding it is around the mid thirties and for skiing the mid forties.

I was in a job interview when I was told this, by my rather jolly potential new boss.

Anyway, if I do die, it has been fun. If not, I will update next from the hospital.

Meanwhile there will be some time-delayed posts.

Posted by Gerald at 5:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 23, 2007

Progress, of sorts

Sometimes you have to wonder whether progress is a good thing.

Take Verity, for instance (please, take her. ha ha. er, sorry). Time was that a runny nose didn't bother her. She would just ignore the green trail of snot that made tracks to the top of her lip. It bothered me of course, and nose wiping, which met with protest, ensued.

These days it does bother her and she wipes the snot across her face with the back of her hand. It gets as far as her cheek where it acts as glue, sticking her fine hair to her face.

It's progress, but I am not sure it is in a forward direction. But then to get from A to Z you have to pass through a bunch of crap letters. Snot-smeering is just a passing phase before sniffing and nose-blowing. It is a passing phases that lasted about 20 years in my case.

The other development is that when her nose runs she points to it and says 'naughty nose'. Lovely stuff.

Posted by Gerald at 7:51 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 21, 2007

Bang bang

All murders are bad, but some murders are less bad than others.

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Two circus clowns have been shot dead during a performance in the eastern Colombian city of Cucuta, police say.

The attacker jumped into the arena and fired before fleeing, police chief Jose Humberto Henao told Efe news agency.

Local reports say the audience of about 20 people, mostly children, thought the shooting was part of the show before realising both men had been killed.

Last year, a prominent circus clown, known as Pepe, was also shot dead by a unknown assailant in Cucuta.

The motive for the latest killing remains unclear, police said. Local media reports suggest two attackers may have been involved.

One clown was shot in the head as he performed on stage, about an hour into the Circo del Sol's evening show.

The second, named as 18-year-old Franklin Leal, from Cucuta, was then shot as he stood by the ticket booth, according to the newspaper La Opinion.

The travelling circus had set up in a suburb of Cucuta, capital of Norte de Santander province near the Venezuelan border, about 10 days earlier, the paper says.
[from bbc.co.uk]

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February 20, 2007

Borrow from people, not from a bank

I am a member of Zopa, an online lending exchange. It works by matching up people who have spare money with people who need to borrow.

Which is what banks do, of course, except that they skim off a massive slice in the middle.

Zopa skims off 0.5% from the borrower and 0.5% from the lender. Apart from that, everything is between the lender and the borrower - so the lenders gets a better return and the borrowers pays less interest.

And because the borrowers are all people, lenders know that their money isn't being lent to corrupt regimes.

Zopa do credit scoring and background checks, and also break lenders' money down into bite-size pieces. So if you lend £500, it would typically be lent out to 50 different borrowers at £10 each (although you could choose to lend in 5 chunks of £100, which isn't particularly advisable).

The smaller the chunks of money, the smoother the bad debt experience. Zopa estimate the bad debt at the start so a lender sees an expected return after bad debt and fees. Zopa have been so efficient at credit scoring so far that there have only been two problem debts in a couple of years of operation, and so the returns have been better than they estimated.

The rates for borrowers are usually mcuh better than the banks will give them, and again the borrower has the comfort of knowing the interest is going to another person, not an overpaid bank executive.

Zopa isn't perfect for everyone, but it is well worth considering and at the moment they are offering a £50 cash bonus for new members who join using my referral link, and go on to lend or borrow (it is £30 after the end of February). Membership is free, so sign up to take a look around.

I receive an equal cash bonus, so we both win.

It is UK only at the moment, but there are plans to expand into the USA and then take over the world.

Follow this link to join Zopa

Any questions, let me know.

Posted by Gerald at 8:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 17, 2007

Monkey see, monkey shui

Los Angeles Zoo has hired a feng shui expert to help design its new Chinese monkey house.

Simona Mainini was consulted on the feng shui of a new £3.8m enclosure for rare golden monkeys from China, reports Metro.

She said: "It's very experimental. We don't have any books on feng shui for monkeys.

"We just have to assume that Darwin is correct and that there is a connection and what is good for humans is good for monkeys."

Charles Mays, the main architect behind the enclosure, said: "The viewing building has a Chinese character.

"We thought it would be more authentic if we went that extra step and made sure it was done with good feng shui."

Among Mainini's contributions to the design was the suggestion to put a fountain near an observation tower, to 'soften, with moisture, the harsh energy'.

The golden monkeys have been borrowed from the Chinese government for ten years, at a cost of £50,000 a year.

Posted by Gerald at 7:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 15, 2007

My new subcousin

My cousin has had a baby, or at least his wife has. He just did the stress bit, plus a bit of live action blogging.

Anyway, I don't know what the child of a cousin is. A second cousin? A cousin once removed? A grand cousin? I have decided on subcousin since it does make some kind of sense.

She is called Jana and looks like new babies do. Just once in a while it would be cool if a new baby looked like something else. A puppy or a giant lego brick.

But enough of this fol-de-rol. Welcome to the world Jana.

Posted by Gerald at 7:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 13, 2007

New York, New York

I am going to New York in April for a long weekend. This is part of my 40th birthday celebrations. Forty? Already? Fuck.

Although I have been to the US maybe forty times, I have never been to any of those itty bitty states in the top right-hand corner, so it will be a whole new experience.

So, dear readers, what should I do/see/avoid in New York? Are there any great places that the guide books omit to mention? Do any of you want to lend me an apartment overlooking Central Park?

Posted by Gerald at 7:08 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 12, 2007

Suspicious fish action

Something smells fishy about the recent Mokihinui angling competition, and organisers suspect foul play.

They are offering a $500 reward to anyone who can prove the winning fish was actually caught in a set net and was not fair game on the end of a hook.

The Fishing Paper editor Daryl Crimp, of Nelson, said the judges were highly suspicious of the person who had claimed the $600 prize for the biggest overall snapper just one hour before the 10-day competition officially ended.

However, they felt obliged to pay out.

"What happened was that someone rang up about 2.30pm on the last day of the competition and asked whether it was still open. He then registered at 3pm and 'caught' the winning snapper a little later," Mr Crimp said.

The "winner" was within the designated boundaries – but some distance from other anglers – when the fish was landed and he was not known as a "rod and reel man".

"He had, however, been seen emptying a set net at Hector earlier in the day," Mr Crimp said.

He is now offering a $500 reward for information that might lead to the perpetrators of what he suspects was fishing fraud.

"What aroused further suspicion was that as soon as the prize money was handed over the winner gave it to two shady characters who were hanging around outside. Then, when they were asked to pose for the winning photo they all bolted."

The Fishing Paper sponsored the event but Mr Crimp said the offer of a reward had more to do with protecting the integrity of the competition than 'outing' a cheat.

"People that are out there busting their guts out fishing for 10 days don't deserve to be cheated out of their just rewards. If the winner has nothing to hide he will come forward and explain himself."

Constable Paul Samson, of Westport, said the matter had been reported and was being investigated. Police were following certain leads but were yet to decide what action, if any, would be taken.
[netted at stuff.co.nz]

Posted by Gerald at 9:25 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 10, 2007

Loser of the week

A Russian man divorced his wife of 18 years after finding she had been feeding him cheap pumpkins instead of courgettes.

Ivan Dimitrov, 47, was devastated to find the pies he had been eating for six months were made of pumpkins and not courgettes.

Mr Dimitrov, from Voronezh, said when he realised the truth, after finding pumpkin rinds in the bin, he immediately hired a lawyer to organise a quick divorce from wife Irena, 38.

He said: "She knows I absolutely hate pumpkins and she lied to me for months about it just because the pumpkins were cheap.

"What else has she been lying about? What man could trust a woman who fed him pumpkins for half a year?"
---

So he hates pumpkins but has been eating them for months? Sounds like he should be thanking her for helping him overcome an aversion.

Posted by Gerald at 8:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 8, 2007

Let it snow

It might not seem much to readers in the north-east US but this meagre snowfall was a real treat. In this part of England it happens once a year at best, and leads to traffic chaos and school closures.

I gave up on my 50 mile commute without even starting and focused instead on enjoying the snow while it lasted (it has mostly melted already).

The child viewed it with cautious enthusiasm so I tried to get her into the spirit with a few snowballs.

Not having any gloves on I decided to flick the snow up with my foot. The first attempt was pretty good, spattering her coat like buckshot, but the second came up as a single big clump of snow that hit her square in the face.

She took it quite well considering - she just kept saying 'face' in a tone the said she couldn't believe I just did that to her. Get used to it kid, ha ha ha ha.

Posted by Gerald at 9:25 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 6, 2007

Mature webcam

West country farmers set up the Cheddarvision website featuring a 25 kg block of cheddar, reports ITN.

Farmer Tom Calver said: "How many other cheeses do you know of on the internet that have their own webcam and a live feed to the internet? I don't think many."

The highlight of the day on www.cheddarvision.tv is at around 10am when the cheese at the Somerset dairy is turned.

"We've had 47,000 hits on our website, so somebody must like it somewhere," Mr Calver added.

Marion Harris who is in charge of the live webcam said: "I think if this website actually gets people to think a little bit more about where cheese comes from and the process it gets through before it gets in the shops, then I guess it's a good thing."
[from ananova.com]

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February 5, 2007

The sunshine state

I am in Miami right now. Not for the Superbowl though. I only discovered that it was Superbowl weekend when I was headed to the airport, and only discovered the Miami was hosting when I got here.

I guess Miami gets to host the Superbowl pretty often because of the near-guarantee of great weather.

Slightly unfortunate then that it is raining like it did when Noah was doing the animals two at a time. At least the bears and colts will appreciate the comparison.

Why are so many US sports teams name after animals?

Posted by Gerald at 1:00 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 3, 2007

Stopped by the police

I visited my doctor last week, a pleasant chap called Dr. Foord, about a minor matter that I won’t bore you with.

It was a lovely spring morning, in globally-warmed late-January, so I decided to walk the two-thirds of a mile.

On my return walk, as I my flitted between random thoughts, I sensed a car slowing beside me and, still walking, turned my head. It was a police car and the passenger lowered his window, “excuse me sir.”

I stopped walking.

“Could you give me directions to the police station?”

“You have to be fucking kidding?” I said.

He looked over to his partner, who had a road map open on his lap, the sort of road map that tells you the approximate location of a town, as long as it is a big town, and turned back to me, “we aren’t from this area.”

“No shit. But you do have a police radio. And presumably cellphones. And perhaps, having embarked on this journey, you might have thought to call ahead and ask. Or did you just think you could drive into town and the police station it would be lit up like a Vegas casino? And if you, highly trained defenders of the law, can’t find it, what chance do we, the terrified populace, have, constantly in fear of hoodlums, brigands, hucksters, shysters, rapists and murderers. I put it to you office that you could not find your ass with both hands.”

I said all of this in my head, of course, and with my eyes, and silent though the communication was, it was perfectly understood.

“I have a good mind to get out of the car,” replied the cop, “club you to the ground with a baton, kick the crap out of you, then urinate on your prostate form.”

He said this with his eyes, of course, but it was perfectly understood.

Our respective positions thus established, I gave detailed directions to the police station and continued on my merry way.

Posted by Gerald at 12:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 1, 2007

Sperminate your hair

A hairdresser is offering clients a new conditioning treatment made out of bull's semen.

The 45-minute treatment costs £55 and uses semen from Aberdeen Angus bulls on a farm in Cheshire.

Hari's, in Knightsbridge, London, combines the sperm with the root of protein-rich plant katera, reports Metro.

The mixture is massaged into the client's hair after it has been shampooed. Then the customer is put under a steamer so the treatment penetrates the hair. Finally, it is blow-dried.

Salon owner Hari Salem said: "I have been searching for an organic product with a lot of protein because that is what hair is made of and lacks when it is dry.

"The semen is refrigerated before use and doesn't smell. It leaves your hair looking wonderfully soft and thick."
[from ananova]
---

Talking of which, if you are wondering what to get your girlfriend for Valentine's Day, I would suggest giving her a pearl necklace.

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