Where there is light there will always be a dark side.
The dark side of commerce is corruption, the dark side of sport is drugs, and the dark side of politics is sleaze while politics itself is the dark side of democracy.
The scariest dark sides of all are in suburbia - swinging, coffee mornings, dog shows and Elvis.
Last week I saw Elvis in an indian restaurant and it has taken me this long to face up to what I did.
I didn't see Elvis in the way that people regularly see him shopping for groceries. I saw him perform. I paid money for curry and Elvis.
The restaurant concerned was the Dil-raj in Abingdon. The Elvis concerned was Gary Glen, one of the top 5 Elvis impersonators in England. I don't know how the ranking works, but here he is:
The curry house was packed with, mostly, extremely ugly women. Forget that line about falling out of the ugly tree - these women had been thrashed with an ugly stick, then punched with an ugly fist before being given a good kicking with an ugly boot. And they were mad for Elvis.
The uglier they were the more they sang along and whooped and cheered. Elvis, of course, encouraged them, serenading the most afflicted and doing that pelvis thing for their pleasure. Unfortunately one of the hideous targets of his attention was sat on the table next to mine so that when she was getting pelvic thrusts I was getting Elvis ass in my face. At least I got to learn something - Elvis wears briefs, not boxers.
Apparently blind people have a better sense of hearing to compensate for their lack of sight. If only ugly people could sing to compensate for their hideous features. Instead, when Elv made his fans sing solo, the windows broke and the RSPCA went on maximum alert.
But so be it. For many there, I got the impression this would be the best night out they had all year. Is this an indictment of them, of Elvis or of me? Whatever the answer to that question, curried Elvis is a great advert for staying in and choking on hamburgers while sat on the toilet. It's what he would have wanted.
Comments (8)
WTF!
Posted by Marco | April 5, 2006 3:43 PM
Posted on April 5, 2006 15:43
Dear Gearald,
I am so sorry you did not have a good time! You must have been the only one who didn't! You are obviously not an Elvis or a curry fan. How dare you insult the customers that were there that evening, and the Dil raj restaurant.
The group that I was with had a super time and are professional people, who unlike yourself would not dream of insulting people like you have.
You must have nothing better to do with your time and I hope that in future you will think about what you say. Was anyone twisting your arm to attend that evening?? No I didn't think so....
You are a very unhappy person to insult people in this matter and you should be very ashamed of yourself.
Please do not hesitate to email me back and I hope you do, I will pass this round my authority tomorrow and see what they think of you!!!
Good bye.
A curry and an elvis fan!!
Posted by a name | May 9, 2006 8:13 PM
Posted on May 9, 2006 20:13
And where would you place your partner that evening? top of the ugly tree? You are a small minded loser who insults people out of ignorance. Did you travel all the way from high wycombe to abingdon to see elvis? desperate for a night out or what.let me know when you're visiting abingdon again, i know a few ladies who would like to meet you.
Posted by gaz | May 14, 2006 9:50 PM
Posted on May 14, 2006 21:50
How strange that someone called 'gaz' is posting here...isn't that short for Gary?
Posted by Natalie | May 19, 2006 7:44 AM
Posted on May 19, 2006 07:44
Great post, if only for the fact that you got Marco frothing at the mouth.
Bangin'!
LdP
Posted by Lucien de la Peste | May 23, 2006 11:09 AM
Posted on May 23, 2006 11:09
Gerald,
Referring to your criticism about the women in Abingdon being ugly etc. Secondly referring to Gary Glen as one of the five best impersonators, to correct you he is Britain's best, and if you do not understand that, he is Britain's Tops. Singing in the most popular dining places used by the vast British population, by some of the most famous and influential people unlike yourself, petty minded and uninformed. I suggest you get your facts right before you attempt to be smart. To me, people like you represent confirmed idiots. Just to brief your petty mind, you have been very privileged to obtain the seat at the Dilraj in Abingdon for your crappy behind. Gary's name has preceded him no matter where he goes in Britain or any other place in the world. If you think your comment as referring to Gary Glen as 'Curried Elvis' would bring him down, dream on Gerald, because the reality in your brain seems to have been 'curried'. I am writing this in reply to your comment because I am a fan of the King and Gary Glen Britain’s top impersonator.
Posted by King Fan | January 8, 2007 12:42 PM
Posted on January 8, 2007 12:42
Man it is a year already and I am still having a nightmares at the scabby female fans of Gary Glen. Mutton dressed as pig.
Of course, ugly is NOT only skin deep. My own partner on the night was the attractive and rather kinky Natalie. But underneath all of that were some mental issues that were as ugly as anything Gary Glen could swing his hips at.
It is nice to know I am still getting abuse for this post. A job well done and no mistake.
Posted by Gerald | April 6, 2007 11:46 AM
Posted on April 6, 2007 11:46
Dear Gary could you please give me some prices on how much you would charge for agig in pangs in long lane hillingdon / iam having aparty there in april and thought you were great please could you email me with some prices
.Thanks jacq
Posted by jacqui farmer | January 30, 2008 11:39 PM
Posted on January 30, 2008 23:39