December 2005 Entries

December 31, 2005

Pride and Prejudice

...and the Guardian crossword.

I am still working on the Christmas mega-jumbo Guardian crossword, which was a bit of a pig.

The instructions:
The opening words of a novel (2,2,1,5,11,12) are to go across the top of the perimeter and down the two sides, the two long words each extending round the corner into the bottom line, in the rest of which goes the local town where perplexed beginners abandon trigonometry (7).

Remaining solutions are to go into the diagram jigsaw-wise, wherever they will go; their clues are listed in alphabetical order of the solutions, acrosses and downs being considered separately. Characters in the novel are asterisked.

Crikey!

It did help once I worked out that the novel is Pride and Prejudice, although not much since I have never read it. Thankfully the entire novel and all sorts of character information can be found online!

I am about two-thirds completed and am solidly resisting the urge to look at the answers online. I reckon I can last a few more days before my resolve crumbles.

And now there is the New Year's Eve crossword to consider, which at least is regular sized, but has this devil of a clue to ponder:

Posh, his vice was her misfortune. That b__ song a mama's woe? C-could be! (3,3,4,3,3,3,6,6,2,1,4,4,4)

Hmmm

Posted by Gerald at 12:45 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 30, 2005

The Magnificent Sevens

I have been trying to compile a list of my top 10 books but have been struggling. So in the meantime I decided to produce a list of my favourite authors.

Even that ran into trouble when it became clear that there are two distinct group, so I ended up with two lists.

My list of authors is distinct from my (eventual) list of favourite books - to be in the authors list requires repeat success, while a book can be a one-off. Clive Barker is not in my favourite authors list, despite his undoubted talent, but will be in the top 10 books,with Weaveworld. Interestingly Barker himself observed that Weaveworld is a book he could not write now - it isn't what he is about these days.

So the authors are my guiding lights for fiction - if they release a new novel, I will read it. They are my trusted friends, my old mistresses, my favourite pub.

General Fiction

• Kate Atkinson


• Iain Banks


• Julian Barnes


• William Boyd


• Jasper Fforde


• Howard Jacobson


• Ian McEwan

Science Fiction

• Neal Asher


• Isaac Asimov


• Iain M Banks


• Arthur C Clarke


• Michael Marshall Smith


• Alastair Reynolds


• Dan Simmons

Feel free to post your own lists in the comments, or trackback to your blog. Also I realise I should have a list for Classics but I have not read nearly enough to form any kind of decision.

Posted by Gerald at 4:45 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 29, 2005

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

I was given this book as a Christmas present and a quite delightful one it turned out to be.

The Time Traveler's Wife is a love story - Henry, aged 36, meets Clare, aged 6. But Henry is time traveling - his body jumps backwards and forwards through time, without warning, and he arrives naked at some point on his own personal timeline. Minutes or hours later he will jump back. He regularly meets himself, and while he meets Clare many times as she grows up, he also meets her for the first time, when he is 28 and she is 20. His 28 year-old self doesn't know that in his later years he will meet Clare as a child, so while she greets him as a lost love, he has never seen her before.

It sounds confusing and unlikely, but is written with such a deft touch that time travelling Henry seems perfectly ordinary. This leaves room for the love story to develop, and it does so with a gentle passion that grabs the reader by the lapels.

This book has been compared the The Lovely Bones, and it is a fare comparison - original, engaging, enchanting and deeply moving.

Five stars (out of five)

Posted by Gerald at 6:45 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 28, 2005

Back to work, briefly

Tea-break over, back on your heads.

I quite like the working days between Christmas and New Year - the roads are quiet, and the office is quiet. It is a great time to do those things that you keep putting off because there is always so much immediate stuff going on.

For the past five years, it has been the lull before the storm - the quarter ended on December 31 and then all hell broke loose. The big cheese accountants suffer from an inferiority complex at Amazon, and as a result they insist on working New Year's Day. They do this so that the following conversation can take place:

Him: "I am an accountant at Amazon"
Her: "Say, did you see that weather report this morning?"
Him: "No, wait. Accountants are different at Amazon"
Her: "I wonder if I remembered to lock my front door"
Him: "No, but really. We are so important to the success of the company that we have to work New Year's Day every year"
Her: "Wow. I want to sleep with you"

It is not like Amazon is in a hurry to get its results published - it usually reports at the end of January, two weeks later than Apple and nearly three after Yahoo. Such are the needs of unloved accountants.

Thankfully in my new company I get to decide when and how. The December reporting period ended on Christmas Day and we will do some accounting this week, the rest after January 9.

The gap in the middle is because I am celebrating my freedom by going to Miami for New Year, out on Friday back on the following Friday. Yeah yeah yeah yeah, Miami uh uh, as big Willy Smith would say.

During my trip flânerie nonsense will continue unabated, just in case you were hoping otherwise ;-)

Posted by Gerald at 5:50 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 27, 2005

The Tuesday Game: Submachine Adventure

One of those 'now get out of that' type game. Interact with your environment to find the exit.

Submachine Adventure

Posted by Gerald at 4:52 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 26, 2005

Do they know it's... Sunday?

Recently I have developed the habit of feeding my garden birds on Sunday morning. This has been the case for around 8 weeks, and the birds have quickly recognised the pattern.

I guess it makes sense that birds would notice a simple seven day recurring event. They are well equipped for pattern recognition, such as seasons, other birds, and landscape. Homing pigeons are known to follow major roads, which is pretty nifty, especially when they don't need to stop at lights.

My regulars are wood pigeons, jackdaws, magpies, blackbirds, starlings, chaffinches, green finches, great tits, blue tits, a robin, a greater spotted woodpecker and a squirrel (which is an honorary bird). All of these only visit to feed, except for the wood pigeons who like to while away their time on the fence or in the tree, watching the little birds fly relays to the seed feeder. When they aren't liming they wander around the lawn looking for the squirrel's secret caches of food.

Last Sunday I rolled out of bed and looked out of the window, and the wildlife was waiting for me.

The squirrel was atop the bird table, just sitting. The squirrel never just sits. He is always busy, only ever stopping on his way somewhere else. Busy busy, things to do, place to go. As a human he would have two mobile phones and would suffer from road rage. But last Sunday he was just sitting and waiting for the Sunday buffet.

The robin was also there. Another of my guests that doesn't like to sleep on the job, but he was on the ground where the food wood be with a look of disbelief on his face.

Suitably shamed I got dressed and fed them - peanuts, sunflower seed, oats, sultanas, dried insects, fat cake (and negative karma to me for feeding them animal fat - I am still looking for a veggie equivalent,) and the feast commenced.

This weekend, it being Christmas, I decided to feed them a day early, and... nothing. The tiny birds were there doing their relay thing, but they always are. Otherwise no-one. I should have posted advance warning or something. Perhaps there is a Saturday buffet in one of the neighbours' gardens. Or they were last-minute Christmas shopping.

But next morning, Christmas Day, the whole gang were there, either eating, squabbling (there is some kind of blackbird turf-war unfolding in my garden this winter), or burying food in my lawn (the magpies do this as well as the squirrel.)

I watched them for ages - the perfect Christmas gift from them to me.

Posted by Gerald at 9:46 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas

Friends, readers, anemonies...

I would like to propose a toast to those who are alone today, and have chosen to be; to those who are but would rather not be; to those amongst others who would wish to be alone; and to those amongst others who would wish to be with someone else.

We are islands connected.

Posted by Gerald at 8:49 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 24, 2005

Confession of a blogger

As reported in El Reg:
-----
A Florida teen pleaded guilty to manslaughter this week after using his blog to confess to causing an alcohol-fueled car accident. Blake Ranking, 18, a passenger in a car who seized the wheel and caused a crash that killed his friend and left another seriously injured told police he had no memory of the incident. But he confessed to causing the crash on his blurty.com blog three days after the October 2004 accident that fatally injured his best friend, 17 year-old Jason Coker, local paper The Orlando Sentinel reports.
-----

Blogging can be a cathartic process but I am not sure I like the precedent of confessing to crimes and misdemeanours on a blog.

While I have nothing as juicy as DUI manslaughter to fess up to, there are certainly more than a few morally questionnable episodes. For example, I once [deleted] the [deleted] of a [deleted], which most people would agree is pretty reprehensible.

I guess the plus-side is that blog surfing would gain a certain frisson.

Perhaps, in the spirit of 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours,' there should be an International Confession Day. Everyone gets to confess an action that was illegal, immoral, shameful or plain ugly that they have done in the last year and then gets the rest of the year to misbehave.

Obviously I am too much of a slacker to set this up myself, but it would be cool if someone did. To get you started, I have checked whether www.internationalconfessionday.com and .org are available, and they are, so get to work.

Meanwhile I will get to work on some acts of turpitude.

Posted by Gerald at 7:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 23, 2005

Cow news

Study: Cows Excel At Selecting Leaders
[ripped from the Discovery Channel]

Recent studies on leadership in cows and other grazing herbivores suggest that intelligence, inquisitiveness, confidence, experience and good social skills help to determine which animals will become leaders within herds.

The findings suggest that, at least among these animals, individuals are not necessarily "born leaders," and that bullying, selfishness, size and strength are not recognized as suitable leadership qualities.

"The fact that in groups of animals of different age, leaders are amongst the oldest animals suggests that it's not innate, but the result of previous experience," said Bertrand Dumont, lead author of a recent Applied Animal Behavior Science paper on leadership in a group of grazing heifers.

Dumont is a researcher at INRA, the national institute of agricultural research in Saint-Genès-Champanelle, France.

He added, "Usually leadership and dominance are not correlated. In other words, leaders are not the strongest animals."

Dumont and his team observed a group of 15 two-year-old heifers at a farm in France. During the day, the cows were allowed to graze on a rectangular plot of cocksfoot-covered land that was separated from another plot by an alleyway.

This second plot was planted with patches of ryegrass, which the cows particularly like to eat.

Whenever the herd was allowed access to this new feeding site, cow #7 usually was the first to investigate. When she was with the herd and then moved toward the new food site again, the other cows appeared to acknowledge her judgment and followed behind her in distinct social groupings of three or so cows.

Dumont told Discovery News that affinities probably exist between particular animals, and indicated that #7 might have had past success at leading the herd to new food sites.

He explained that "it's adaptive to the animals to follow successful leaders, as this will improve their own food research success."

article continues here

Posted by Gerald at 8:52 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Friday Photo: Contrails

A watery winter sun criss-crossed with the contrails of Heathrow traffic.
Posted by Gerald at 10:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 22, 2005

Christmas food shopping

Perhaps the greatest Christmas tradition is buying enough food to last a month because shops will be closed for one day. The tradition dates back to when shops were shut for two days, which doesn't really make for a good excuse.

There is only so much a person can eat, although I do like to challenge that theory each year.

I am spending Christmas Day on my own this year so I have loaded up on simple pleasures - alcohol, pizza, smelly cheese and kettle chips. Somehow I spent £90, of which only £35 was alcohol. So that's £55 on pizza, smelly cheese and kettle chips. I reckon they must have inflated the prices or something.

Still, it should make for a very pleasant Christmas Day.

Posted by Gerald at 8:32 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 21, 2005

Civil partnerships

Britain has always tried to be both European and American. This is an uneasy balancing act since the old world and the new world have very different outlooks on life.

Civil partnerships, or 'gay weddings' if you prefer your monikers dumbed-down, are a perfect case in point. Europe, in its usual piecemeal leaders-and-laggards way, had been adopting civil partnerships in recent years. The point of them is not to replicate weddings, but to confer some of the legal and fiscal benefits of weddings onto other partnerships. All very reasonable and modern-thinking.

The American approach is to be absolutely terrified of civil partnership. By 'America' I mean the collective jurisdictional entity of America, not the individuals. I know many Americans and most of them are wholly in favour of equality. But the people in power seem to have a different view, and they also seem to get a lot of votes.

The American approach seems to take two fundamental arguments:

1. Someone is happy, and I don't like it one bit!

2. If I allow him/her to do something I wouldn't do, then they might infect me and I would end up like them.

The first argument is what politicians live and breath for. Politicians are unhappy people. Most of them have inferiority complexes, often with good reason, and their chosen answer to being unhappy is to attack anyone that isn't unhappy.

The second argument is the Cuba principal. Cuba is one of the most harmless counties on earth, but America is scared of it. Americans are not even allowed to visit Cuba, just in case they catch the Cuba virus and bring it back to the mainland, at which point, well, I am not sure what is meant to happen next. America is the most powerful nation on the planet and is scared is one of one of the weakest. So really it is Cuba that has all the power while America cowers.

There is a more fundamental error made by those who oppose civil partnerships - they make an assumption that people are either heterosexual or homosexual, or maybe occasionally a bit of both. The reality is that we are all bisexual, but most of us have a natural, and often strong, bias to one end of the continuum.

We are also all ambidextrous, but early in life settle on either a left- or right-hand bias. If we needed to we could switch hands, and after just a few days practice could completely switch sides. There is nothing profoundly right or wrong about handedness, it is just one of those things.

Of course, people used to be very prejudiced about handedness. The word sinister literally means 'left-handed', but over the years people have pulled their heads out of the asses and accepted that left-handed people are no different to right-handed people.

Sexuality is the same as handedness but somehow got left in the dark ages. As a race we are at the point where all that changes and as always there is someone resisting change while others power ahead. The irony is that is the new world that is dragging its heels, while the old world set the pace.

Posted by Gerald at 8:04 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 20, 2005

The Tuesday Game: The N Ninja

There are two splendid things about this game.

First, it is slick - no cutesy but blocky graphics; this game is fast and very smooth. Secondly, when you die, you die in style. It makes dying almost okay.

Go get that gold.

The N Ninja

Posted by Gerald at 6:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 19, 2005

The X-factor

Just in time for Christmas, there is nothing to watch on TV. The X-factor, which seems to have been running longer than Jesse Jackson, has finally come to an end.

Unfortunately my man didn't win. My man was Andy, after I switched horses when Journey South failed to raise their game. Andy the binman, mana from media heaven, giving rise to appallingly unimaginative headlines such as, "he might be a binman, but he isn't rubbish." But he was up against pretty-boy Shayne who had several key qualities, including being pretty, having good looks and also being attractive. Not that I'm bitter. Well...

Now that X-factor has a winner, two things will happen.

Firstly, I don't have to watch commercial television anymore. This is a good thing. I don't have to see Kerry Katona in Iceland ever again. I don't have a particular problem with Miss Katona, but her breasts put me off my dinner. When she turns to camera, I duck. If anyone needs to know 3D television is a bad idea, watch Kerry and her bristols.

Secondly, the winner of X-factor will be bled dry by the music biz and then discarded. X-factor is about entertainment, not about creating music careers. As entertainment it is 24-carat gold, but all that really matters is sponsorship, advertising and phone line revenues. The X-factor winner gets a £1m recording contract, but out of that is taken studio costs, PR and marketing, travel and management fees. And most of that is controlled by Simon Cowell so he gets to take all of his million back. He trialled the model very successfully with last year's victim winner, Steve Brookstein

The final irony will be when Shayne's dry husk of a body is thrown into the trash and is collected by Andy the binman. It will be a TV special when it happens, and for £1 per call, you can vote for whether he goes to landfill or the incinerator.

Posted by Gerald at 8:46 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 18, 2005

Pomegranates

Pomegranates trigger a strong childhood memory - late autumn weekend afternoons watching either "Doctor Who" or "Jim'll Fix It" while working through a pomegranate one seed at a time using a toothpick. Pomegranates meant short days, mist and fog, and the imminence of Christmas.

They are an impractical fruit - hard work is required to free the succulent seeds without getting caught out by the bitter-tasting membrane - and even now in sober adulthood, they seem wonderfully exotic. A fruit crammed with sparkling gems; a gateway into the magic and splendour of the east.

All this came flooding back this afternoon when I ate my first pomegranate in something like 25 years - blood red, delicious and evocative.

Posted by Gerald at 4:49 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

December 17, 2005

Monetisation

Regular visitors might have noticed the appearance of some text links on the left for various commercial sites, plus slightly more advertising on the rest of the site.

The aim is to earn some commission, but not because I need the money. This site costs me $10 a month, and when converted into English Nuggets, is a tiny amount. The commission will be going to charity.

So far I have earned a sum very close to zero and on current trends I won't reach the payment threshold until 2015, but hey, every little helps.

So click on links and use my search box in the knowledge that one day, in the very distant future, it will help someone somewhere.

For starters, here are my Amazon links:
Amazon.co.uk
Amazon.com

Once I reach a payout threshold with one of my partners, I will take nominations for a beneficiary :-)

Posted by Gerald at 5:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 16, 2005

Alive!

When I woke up I felt like I was suffering a brain haemorrage, and I did wonder if surviving the Christmas party was the better alternative.

It all went tango uniform quite early on. We started with champagne in the bar, then sat down for dinner. Between then and the first course being served we did a round of tequlia shots. Personally I think that was a fucking ridiculous idea, albeit with the 20/20 vision of hindsight. The third round of shots arrived with dessert and the seeds of destruction had been sown.

Apparently it is bad to mix grape and grain. I mixed champagne, red wine, gin, tequila, zambuca and cigarettes. Given that I neither drink not smoke, I think this is quite impressive. And stupid.

An awful lot of bollocks was talked, and not just by me, and sometime around midnight I tried to have a conversation with the landlord about the bill, but he was as wrecked as I and it dissolved into repetitive use of the work 'mate' and lots of arms round shoulders and handshaking. It is entirely possible that I agreed to marry his daughter.

Along with the haemorragic fever this morning I was assailed by the appalling smell of cigs and I tried to escape it by moving to the other side of the bed only to discover that the smell was me.

Breakfast was dry toast and coffee, and work was a write-off but at least I managed to stay awake - three of my colleagues had to take naps on the company sofa.

And it was only later today that I discovered that someone had used my camera to catch me dancing like a tool.

Posted by Gerald at 7:55 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 15, 2005

The testimony of a dying man

A brief post today as I will shortly be departing for the office Christmas party. Given what my new colleagues drank last year, it is possible that I will also shortly be departing this mortal realm.

14 people drank 8 bottles of champagne, 11 bottles of wine, 7 rounds of shots (alternating tequilia and flaming zambuca) and then another £200 on sundry drinks.

If I do die, it's been fun. If I don't, normal shoddy service will be resumed tomorrow

x

Posted by Gerald at 5:09 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 14, 2005

Dirty sun day

Sunday 11th December 2005 - A misty morning turned grey by the pollution from the Buncefield explosion 25 miles away.
Posted by Gerald at 7:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 13, 2005

A balanced diet

Over the years I have come to appreciate the importance of a balanced diet. We aren't what we eat, but we are the result of what we eat. A good diet leads to a healthy body and a balanced mind.

The results of a good diet are quickly felt from within, and that inspires the mind to not just continue, but to improve. No diet is ever perfect, but I think mine is very close to it.

This evening I spent £24.07 in the supermarket. This is what I bought:

• 2x Box of 6 mince pies
• Large pizza with anchovies
• 2x Large bar of galaxy milk chocolate
• 2x Tin of chopped tomatoes with herbs
• 0.4kg baby new potatoes
• Fresh tortellini with cheese and sundried tomato
• 2x Tin of baked beans
• Tin of sardines
• 2x Organic veggie burgers
• Bar of continental dark chocolate
• Bar of Lindt Tarte Citron chocolate
• Bar of Lindt Excellence chocolate
• 2x Bar of plain chocolate with coffee

I am worried I might have slightly overdone the baked beans.

Posted by Gerald at 7:50 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 12, 2005

Tooled up

I acquired my first Christmas present at the weekend - my mother bought me some country survival gear. Walking boots, fleece, antarctic coat, hurricane-proof trousers. Thanks mum!

I should now be able to survive the next fall of snow. It doesn't make my car any safer on the roads, but it does mean I will be able to clamber out of the ditch and step out for home.

The amount of detail in these items is extraordinary. They have all been designed by mountaineers, made by cyborgs, tested by dolphins, sealed with yak piss and washed in the Ganges.

There are never any seams, only 'triple-stitched seams', and Gortex features big. Gortex is the rambler equivalent of catnip - they go crazy for it.

So I fancy my chances now. A colleague has a homespun survival kit in the back of her car. It seems to be mostly woollen clothing and chocolate. Chicks can carry-off woollens, but I would just look even more camp than usual. And chocolate? That's hardly likely to stay in my car for more than 5 minutes.

I do need some kind of survival food and I am thinking Kendal Mint Cake might do the job. Also a whistle, flares, a camping stove, a space blanket, gloves, a scarf, tinned soup, fork handles, matches, toilet paper, a good book and a first aid kit. Otherwise I'm all set.

Posted by Gerald at 8:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 11, 2005

Secret Santa

I received my email from Secret Santa telling me who to buy for. I won't say who now since they might stumble across flanerie and my cover would be blown.

Anyway, I completely overspent by buying 4 items from the wishlist (2 books, 1 CD and 1 DVD) and then adding an extra bonus item of my own choice (Mess by Fila Brazillia).

Hopefully in the next couple of years someone will work out a way to have a more generic wishlist, but still with confidential addresses, all managed from a single website. What I would really have liked to add to the gift was either London in a Bag from Muji or a Kalashnikov from the Good Gifts Catalogue.

Somebody likewise is now buying me a gift - I have been loading up my own Amazon wishlist recently in preparation. Of course, those of you who have developed crushes on me over the last four months are more than welcome to shower me with gifts. My wishlists can be found on the About Me page.

Posted by Gerald at 9:40 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 10, 2005

Correction

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned in a post that Bourton-on-the-Water did not have their Christmas lights turned on by a celebrity.

I have learned that this was incorrect.

Last Friday, in heavy rain, and in front of a crowd of literally dozens, the Bourton Christmas lights were turned on by Elton Wellesby. Don't bother asking - even Elton's mother doesn't know he is a celebrity. Had I been there I am sure I could have overheard Mrs Wellesby saying, "Elton, get down from there, the celebrity will be along in a minute."

Credit to Bourton for trying though. And credit to Bourton for describing itself as 'the Venice of the Cotswolds.' I very very nearly wet myself when I learned this. Gondolas is what I am thinking. Canals, boat traffic jams, handsome men, sexy women is what I am thinking. Art that captures the breath, conspicuous wealth and conspicuous poverty, Shakespeare and Shylock is what I am thinking. Architecture, pigeons, pizzas, piazzas, decent coffee, James Bond and Dudley Moore is what I am thinking.

I am not thinking Bourton. But what the hell, the glass is always half full, so bring on the gondolas and a frozen pizza and lets make a go of this thing!

I will try to make a daylight trip to Bourton next week to get some photos, and you can judge the likeness for yourselves.

Posted by Gerald at 4:08 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 9, 2005

Gmail web clips

Google has added rss-fed (you can read that as arse-fed if you like) headlines to the Gmail inbox, which is spiffy. It covers a range of feeds from American news to American recipes to American sports. But crucially you can add any rss or atom feed, just in case you are part of the 95% of the world that isn't American.

You can even add the lovely flanerie.org feed to your Gmail web clips, helping you to keep abreast of the wild wild world of flanerie.

It would also, possibly, increase flanerie.org's relevance in Google searches, so you would be doing me a favour. And since you love me (oh yes you do) that's exactly what you want to do.

Finally, by editing your Gmail web clip settings you will feel cool and empowered, which is no bad thing.

So step to it. Go to Settings within Gmail, then Web Clips, then enter http://flanerie.org/index.xml in the search box.

Posted by Gerald at 12:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 8, 2005

Lyric of the Day

'Rodkey King (song for Lenny Bruce)' by the Boo Radleys

Do you know my name
before you tear me apart?
Do you care
who I am?

Posted by Gerald at 6:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 7, 2005

Ice and a slice of luck

More weather-related fun and games this morning.

It appears that the night started mild then got very cold. At least that's my theory to explain the sheet ice. The conditions became apparent as soon as I turned off the main road and it was a little bit ooh and a little bit aah. Being old and wise I slowed down, but still soon caught up with half a dozen vehicles that were being even more sensible.

So I settled into my place line astern and left a very large gap in front. So when everyone pretty much stopped, it didnt matter that it took me 20 yards to slither to a halt. They had stopped to have a good look at the car that was in a field on its roof. The driver, who presumably was less adaptive to road conditions, seemed to be okay and was stood next to his tits-up vehicle. Bless.

I survived the rest of the journey by with only a handful of skids.

My boss, on the otherhand, managed to lose it near the convenience store (of previous post fame) and drive into a brick wall. Thankfully the wall was okay.

The amusing footnote to this was his attempt to lodge an insurance claim. He got through to the new claims department in Scotland and was kept on the phone forever giving details, then repeating details, and the whole bureaucratic rigmarole that goes with getting some benefit for your premiums. And during this same call he was transferred to the Indian call centre because he had been on the phone for over an hour and the claim had therefore ceased to be a new claim and was now an existing claim.

Utter genius.

Posted by Gerald at 8:16 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 6, 2005

The Tuesday Game: Kingdom of Loathing

While the Kingdom of Loathing sounds like a website for divorcees, it is actually an adventure game - a silly and sarcastic adventure game.

If adventures sit on a continuum that starts with text adventures ('You see a small cottage. To the north is a stream. To the west is a front door') and ends with all-singing and dancing graphical efforts, then KoL is right near the left hand end with mostly text. And it is very very silly.

--
As you're approaching the Sleazy Back Alley, a peasant approaches you, carrying a birthday cake, and says "Happy Birthday, Claude!"

Your name is not Claude, and it's not your birthday, but you eat the cake anyway. It's made all the more delicious by the knowledge that you bilked some poor peasant out of some cake. That makes you feel very Moxious.

You gain 3 Chutzpah.
--

See? Silly.

KoL can be found here

Posted by Gerald at 8:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 5, 2005

Guardian Crossword

I took a sabbatical from the Guardian crossword and now I am trying to get back into the groove, but it appears I have lost my mojo. Back in the day, which was only a few months ago, I would always manage to get half to two-thirds of the answers and often, with a little collaboration, complete it.

No I am lucky to get more than three answers.

It would be nice to think that the Guardian have upped the ante somewhat, but I suspect it is a combination of me not being match fit and my brain slowing down. Perhaps I suffered a minor stroke.

It doesn't help that I only attempt the Saturday crossword, which is the hardest of the week, so there is no gentle limbering up on a Monday, gaining momentum towards Saturday.

Anyway, I have decided to make a decent effort to regain my powers. So far I have 16 out of 32 answers for last Saturday, which is a great improvement on recent poor form. Still some life in the old dog yet.

Posted by Gerald at 8:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 4, 2005

Make a pledge

Pledge Bank was brought to my attention yesterday, and I like it a lot.

What is PledgeBank for?
PledgeBank is a site to help people get things done, especially things that require several people. We think that the world needs such a service: lots of good things don't happen because there aren't enough organised people to do them.

Can you give me some examples?
Sure. 'I will start recycling if 100 people in my town will do the same'; 'I will organise my child's school play if 3 other parents will help'; 'I will build a useful website if 1000 people promise to contribute to it'.

continued in the FAQ

I was attracted by this pledge...
Chris Anderson will donate £10 towards building an irrigation system at a vegetarian orphanage in Kenya but only if 200 other people will too. (28 days left, 106 more signatures needed)

...and I have signed up.

It is looking touch and go whether the pledge will reach 200 signatories by the end of December. So if you have £10 to spare, and most people have, please consider signing up. £10 means very little to you, but will mean a great deal to the orphanage.

Alternatively, just do this.

Posted by Gerald at 9:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 3, 2005

Secret Santa

Workplace secret santa is always a drag -the gifts are usually either useless (the little book of bollocks, to cite an example) or offensive (penis hoopla, to cite another).

But thanks to the wonders of t'internet, there is now a better Secret Santa. You buy stuff for a complete stranger, but you buy it from their Amazon wishlist - so they get to receive something they actually want, you don't stress trying to decide what to get, and you get something from someone else that you actually want.

Bingo.

Simple idea, well executed.

Sign up by 10th December

Posted by Gerald at 11:47 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 2, 2005

Calling all British bloggers

Join britblog.com, the portal for British blogs - we need to keep a corner of the blogosphere forever British, and britblog.com needs as many registered blogs as possible to help make it the one-stop resource for British blogs.

And the guy who runs it is a top bloke, so get to it. Thanks.

Posted by Gerald at 10:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Friday photo: a black and white murder case

Miss Elly has finally got around to posting some photos. It seems the South African bush isn't quite as integrated with the net as broadband Britain!

The full set is here
Posted by Gerald at 8:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 1, 2005

Weather

The weather in Gloucestershire is consistently inconsistent. When I had the misfortune to work in Slough the weather operated within narrow parameters. A little warmer, a little cooler, a little rain, a little overcast.

This is probably due to the power station that is sympathetically positioned near the centre of the town. It controls the weather and pollutes the inhabitants. Slough is one of the dumbest and ugliest towns in Britain, and the poisoned air is the cause. But at least they have benign weather to soften their grotesque lives.

Out in the sticks there is no such moderating influence and the weather is a daily roll of the dice. This week: Monday snow, Tuesday sun, Wednesday fog, Thursday lashing rain.

Yesterday's fog was a peach. It was as dense as any I have driven in and there was a simple choice: drive at 10 miles an hour or work on the basis there there is unlikely to be an unlit stationary vehicle in the road (I chose the latter, but 30mph was fastest I could go and still get some warning of bends in the road.) During the afternoon I drove to the village, which is down a steep hill, and the weather there was on/off rain and low cloud. It was then that I realised that I had been driving through a cloud, not fog.

Today's rain brought a welcome return to aquaplaning, which is always a good laugh.

Posted by Gerald at 7:32 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack