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After a robust session of gardening on Sunday morning, I restocked the bird feeder and added a variety of food to the table and the ground, including whole peanuts for the squirrel to save him having to hang upside down on the feeder. He must get headaches from hanging like that.

Fifteen minutes later all hell broke loose. Four jackdaws, three wood pigeons, three magpies, a blackbird and patchwork of tiny birds were all looking for a piece of the action.

The pigeons are usually gutless when the corvids are around, and today was no exception as they ambled up towards the food then ran away again when a jackdaw dropped out of the sky. They finally discoved that the table had food but didn't have big scary birds but, being the least intelligent birds in my garden, by quite some way, decided that this would not be a smart time to stand united. So they had a fight over the admittedly very small bird table. Fuckwits.

Meanwhile the jackdaws and magpies were eating, fighting and doing some rilly neat aerial stunts, and the tiny birds were watching from the tree and twittering. Possibly they were giving a running commentary.

The magpies showed the most forethought - burying food in my lawn. A couple of stabs of the beak, drop the food and then cover with grass. Saving food for winter? Er, no. They dug the food back up fifteen minutes later. No attempt to repair the divot either, the gits.

And then as suddenly as it had started, the garden was quiet again. The pigeons returned to the tree, the magpies and jackdaws returned to the woods and the tinies returned to the feeder, flying relays.

And the squirrel? Well, he missed out.