September 2005 Entries

September 30, 2005

Behind the Scenes at the Museum by Kate Atkinson

Enchanting.

I have been toying with the idea of reducing all my reviews to one word, but I suspect that I would use only a narrow range of words (great, entertaining, cracking, marvellous, epic, shite) and would rapidly become repetitive.

But if ever a book could be distilled into a word, it is this book and that word.

In a story told through the innocent eyes of a child, but with the wisdom and wry humour of an adult, we follow a family full of tragedy, but which never abandons hope.

Our narrator is growing up in the 1950s, and interspersed between her childhood tales are family histories which range from the late 19th century through to the second world war. The histories illuminate the present day, adding a brilliant depth of colour; and they also remind us that it isn't so many years ago that life was brutally hard for all but the most priveleged.

This is a novel of loss and sorrow, but also humour and farce; a sheer joy to read. And, incredibly, a debut novel. I laughed and cried, and you probably will too.

Five stars (out of five)

Posted by Gerald at 6:28 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 29, 2005

Sci-fi Museum, Seattle

Last Sunday (and a very sunny Sunday it was) I visited the Sci-fi Museum in Seattle. It is near that space needle thing.

It is based around Paul Allen's personal collection of sci-fi memorabilia (I believe he was a major cash donor too) and it is a very impressive collection - props and outfits from sci-fi cinema, manuscripts and first edition books.

The museum is rounded off by some educational stuff about what sci-fi is all about and a hall of fame. Halls of fame are always good talking points, but I happy am those currently inducted and couldn't see any crimes of omission.

There was, naturally, an awful lot of Star Trek stuff there. While I have never been remotely interested in Star Trek it has been the bedrock of sci-fi for 40 years and it is hard to imagine that a sci-fi museum on such a scale would exist today had Kirk never set off on his five year mission.

I was somewhat surprised then, when reading this post, to discover that Star Trek is no longer running. I thought there were two or three current shows, a bit like the CSI franchise.

I don't really do TV and cinema. I will occasionally go to see a sci-fi movie if it is a book I particularly enjoyed, but otherwise my sci-fi enjoyment is solely through the printed page. Books give more scope for ideas, both in terms of social change and the hard science, and it is not easy to present such ideas in film form. Blade Runner would be a wonderful exception to that.

I ought to figure out my top 10 sci-fi novels sometime. There probably won't be many surprises in there - Asimov, Clark, Banks, Bester, Morgan, Reynolds, Simmons - the usual suspects plus a couple of newcomers.

Posted by Gerald at 4:21 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 27, 2005

Oktoberfest porn shocker

This story was too good to ignore (found at The Register):

----
Three Italian visitors to Munich's legendary Oktoberfest came away with more than a hangover last week when they were entertained by the sight of a nurse pleasuring herself with a sex toy in a Ferris wheel gondola while two men armed with a video camera looked on.

The shocked trio immediately reported the outrage and police swiftly cuffed the perpetrators, later identified as a 21-year-old registered nurse, a 25-year-old university student and a 30-year-old political sciences teacher.

Rather brilliantly, the smutmongers explained that they had been "engaged in a sociological experiment to measure public responses to unexpected behaviour", which sounds like a plausible defence for just about everything from full-on rumpy-pumpy in Trafalgar Square, to picking up an old lady's irritating and yapping pet poodle and drop-kicking it under the wheels of a bus.

[snip]

We're not certain what happened to the gondola romp threesome. Twelve hours of enforced exposure to a traditional, lederhosen-clad oompah band ought to set them back on the straight and narrow.
----

My visit to Oktoberfest was tame in comparison. I got drunk, on a mere two steins, and staggered off to find a taxi so that I would be vaguely human for my presentation the next morning. Others were not so sensible and partook of both beer and fairground. Surely a fairground for drunk people is a bad idea?

What I like about Oktoberfest is that it could never happen in Britain. There would be violence, initially between drunks but later against the police. There would be a strong risk of riot. In Britiain people don't know how to drink. In Germany they have made it an artform.

Posted by Gerald at 4:25 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

11th Commandment Repealed

Well that was a headline that caught my eye! It was in the Seattle Times on Sunday, and I had to absorb two major pieces of information at once: that there is an 11th commandment; and that it has been repealed.

What could this 11th commandment be? Thou shalt never wear brown shoes with a dark suit? Thou shalt not be a lardy pork-beast?

It turned out, rather disappointingly, to be 'thou shalt not diss a fellow republican', and the Washington state Republican party have decided it was no fun, and it is now open season for dissin'.

But the good news is that there is now a vacancy for an 11th commandment. Any suggestions?

Posted by Gerald at 3:43 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 26, 2005

How to value a cat

How do you value the loss of a person?

Looking just at financial loss, you could total up their future income. Not that you know what it would be, but you could make a guess. But they would pay taxes, so maybe look at future net income. Some of that income would be spent on food, clothing and transport which will not now be required, so that could be deducted. It quickly gets complicated, which is why lawyers are worth so much, either dead or alive.

So what is the connection with cats?

When they aren't purely domestic pets, cats have a financial value, and this was especially true in centuries gone by. In the cities they reduced the risk of disease with their rodent hunting talents, although this was not that well understood and cat persecution (for being in league with the devil!) contributed to the spread of the black death.

Out in the countryside cats protected grain stores from rodents, and a cat was a valuable asset. If you killed a neighbour's cat, you were expected to compensate him for the loss. But how? Back to that valuation problem. Do you replace the cat, or do you compensate for what the cat provides - protection from rodents.

In Wales, in the time of Owen Glendower (or Owain Glyndwr for the purists) a simple rule of thumb was used. With the dead cat on the floor, raise its tail vertically, and then form a pile of grain that has the same height as the tail. That is the value of the cat.

Hardly a precise system - the pile of grain will be more or less depending on its stickiness, and tails vary in length, and presumably are not directly correlated to rodent-catching ability. But given that asset valuation is inherently uncertain, it was a simple rule, understood by all, was easily enforced and provided relevant compensation.

So now you know how to value a cat.

Posted by Gerald at 3:38 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 25, 2005

Ten books I should have read by now

In author order for lack of any other ranking:

1. Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett

2. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

3. Anything by Dostoyevsky

4. The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald

5. Anything by Elmore Leonard

6. 1984 by George Orwell

7. A Harry Potter book by J.K. Rowling

8. Henry V by William Shakespeare

9. Touching the Void by Joe Simpson

10. Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

Posted by Gerald at 1:45 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

September 24, 2005

Farewell to Seattle

I am flying to Seattle today to spend my last week with Amazon at HQ emptying my brain onto the carpet.

I think this is my twelfth trip to Seattle and it is very likely my last ever. It is certainly my last free trip there and if I am paying to fly to the US I am not likely to choose Seattle as a destination. Not that there is much wrong with it, but I have a very long list of other places to visit first, plus my regular visits to Sunny Isles, Florida.

I will arrive back early on Friday morning, and after a nap will head into Slough for my last day at Amazon.co.uk.

It is a week of lasts.

I will be flying out via Vancouver and back via Toronto, both on the lovely Air Canada, which has always been quite kind to me with upgrades, so fingers crossed for a comfy seat. And I am armed with some quality reading - Roddy Doyle, Kate Atkinson, Howard Jacobson and Zadie Smith.

More on Seattle as the week unfolds.

Posted by Gerald at 9:49 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 23, 2005

Shit-shifting

The NewScientist reports:

Robotic scoopers and diggers will have their chance to plough through some simulated Moon dirt for cash in a new NASA challenge.

Robots will go head-to-head in 2006 or 2007 to see who can move the most lunar dirt out of a sandbox and into a bin. The winning team will pocket $250,000.

[snip]

Teams will build a device no heavier than 25 kilograms. They must be able to excavate at least 150 kilograms of dirt. And they must operate on 30-watt power supplies, the power provided by a solar array on a lunar rover. Teams will have 30 minutes to scoop, dig or push as much of the regolith as possible into a collection bin at the end of a sandbox.

---

I can exclusively reveal that the Flânerie Space Industries will be entering the contest, prompted by the desire to help mankind reach out to the stars. And the money. Mmmm money.

We will of course be adhering to our guiding principle of minimum effort and indeed there is little to be gained in reinventing the wheel. Our entry is self-contained, self-repairing and adaptable, and has a proven track-record of shifting huge quantities of sand in a focused way. It also complies with the weight restriction.

Familiar to anyone who has ever spent time on a beach, the 5 year-old child(tm), equipped with a 'plastic spade', can move many times it own weight in sand and can operate for up to 12 hours without a break. My first prototype, codenamed Harry, will be dispatched to Nasa in the new year.

Posted by Gerald at 6:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 22, 2005

File under 'Oopsie'

Virtual virus raging through a virtual world. Should we be worried? No, but save it for your next argument about GMO

---

When Blizzard introduced the God of Blood - Hakkar to his mates - in a new World of Warcraft scenario called Zul'Gurub, little did it know it was summoning up the online equivalent of Ebola or AIDS.

According to a posting on WoW fansite Shacknews, anyone who ends up in a fusticuffs-style confrontation with Hakkar will be attacked with a magic spell called Corrupted Blood. It's a nasty one. There's little the victim can do to resist it, and it should do sufficient damage to wipe them out.

Except sometimes it doesn't.

The result: infected players become themselves infectious, and have started passing the plague on to other characters. WoW being an online game, with the virtual world ticking over while players pause for pizza, pee breaks and - now and then - forty winks, the contagion continues to spread from non-player characters to non-player character and anyone else entering the game.

As the poster claims: "Some servers have gotten so bad that you can't go into the major cities without getting the plague. And anyone less than like Level 50 nearly immediately die."

It's said that attempts have been made to quarantine the infected, but the efforts of what might be called the World of Warcraft Health Organisation (WWHO) appear to be ineffective. Plague-carrying players escape the curfew to lug the lurgey out into the wider WoW world.

The Corrupted Blood disease is, in short, out of control and rapidly taking on epidemic status.

WoW has more than 2m of players around the (real) world, Blizzard said in June. How many of their virtual incarnations are at risk remains unknown. We're awaiting comment from Blizzard.

The Zul'Gurub scenario was introduced last week with version 1.7 of the game.

----
ripped off of The Register, which is THE place for tech news. Thank you in advance for not suing.

Posted by Gerald at 3:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Foxed

Being somewhat excitable when it comes to new browsers, I upgraded to Firefox 1.5 Beta 1 two days ago, and in the process lost my beloved A9 toolbar

Shit, is what I said at the time, although I managed to moderate my language when I emailed A9 pleading for a rapid fix. Along with the toolbar I have three firefox extensions - Forecastfox, Tabbrowser Preferences and ChatZilla. All three survived the upgrade.

The loss of the toolbar is grievous because it holds all my bookmarks - that way I have the same set of bookmarks whether I am using my work laptop or my personal one. A clever feature, although I have wondered in the past if I might be placing too much reliance in someone else's add-in (admittedly my employer's,) and thus heading for a fall.

My work PC is still on Firefox 1.06, so the bookmarks are rinky-dinky. Ok, not so bad then - work PC okay, home PC hobbled. But then yesterday my Tabbrowser extension imploded at work. Imploded in the sense that it tried to update itself, gave me a technie error message involving Chrome (oh, so 80's dahhling) and then got deleted. I am not sure whether firefox killed it for misbehaving or it committed hari-kari with the shame of a botched update.

Either way it is an ex-extension, has ceased to be and is resisting attempts at resuss.

Two unpleasant firefox incidents in two days. I wonder what will happen today...

Posted by Gerald at 7:49 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 21, 2005

The turning of the year

Goodbye Summer, Hello Winter

Forget New Year's Eve, the year has two true turning points - the equinoxes. Technically just the dates on which night and day are the same length (equinox is latin for 'equal night'), but meaning so much more... an equinox marks the point at which day gains supremacy over night, or vice versa, and wins the right to rule the next six months.

Today, the autumnal equinox, sees night take the reigns of the northern hemisphere, heralding the charge of winter.

Three fleeting months ago it was midsummer. The sun rose at 4.44am and set at 9.22pm, a day of 16:38 hours. A month later the day was 15:57 hours long, a loss of only 41 minutes. But to lose another 41 minutes took only 15 days, as summer started to release its grip.

This week we are losing 4 minutes a day, and the momentum is all with night as we race into darkness and cold. This is the time of fastest change, and nature is reacting fast. Trees are hunkering down for winter, shedding leaves and turning inward; the migratory birds are preparing to fly south, in some cases as far as Australia, and those that are staying must fatten up in readiness for the lean months ahead.

And as the days shorten the light thins. By midwinter it will be pale, sharp and cold, making summer sun seem as thick as marmalade. Winter will cleanse our outside world, keeping frail humans inside while it scours the earth with biting wind and splintering frost.

Winter is as beautiful in its harsh sterility as summer is in its swollen fertile excesses. More beautiful even - summer has nothing to compare with the snowflake, or the creep of ice across still water.

So I bid you welcome Mistress Winter, the stage is yours.

Posted by Gerald at 7:18 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

September 20, 2005

WTF is happening in Basra?

No, I don't know either, but a fine post by Lenin clarifies a little.

What I want to know is why no-one is asking the question: "Why did British troops kill an Iraqi policeman and are they under arrest for it?"

Posted by Gerald at 7:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Back to the moon

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4261522.stm

"The US space agency Nasa has announced plans to return to the Moon by 2020.

Nasa administrator Dr Michael Griffin said four astronauts would be sent in a new space vehicle, in a project that would cost $104bn (£58bn). "

And about time too. We need to get out into the solar system and eventually beyond - and a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, so hie me to the moon immediately!

The cost is fairly modest. The $100bn will probably be spent over several years, but concentrated in maybe four years or so. That is $25bn a year for a country that will spend nearly $500bn on its military in 2006.

The important thing is that it is an international effort. I think it is vital that China is on board, and preferably Japan and the EU too. Working together to a single purpose does strange things to people - it helps them to see each other as partners instead of competitors.

Space exploration has something for everyone. Natural resources in the asteroid belt for the capitalists, little green men for the trekkies, a united earth for the romantics, a big chap with a beard for the religious and Uranus for the perverts.

So let's get moving. I want to be ablewatch someone walk on Mars before my eyesight goes!

Posted by Gerald at 5:17 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

The Lemon Table by Julian Barnes

Barnes focuses on old age and death in this collection of short stories, making it somewhat bleak. There are tales of lost love and unfulfilled love, of those striving to live as long as possible and those hoping for an early end.

The stories are delicately written, in a range of styles and with unnerving realism and precision - it is easy to imagine Barnes sweating for hours over a single sentence.

But for all that, it didn't do anything for me. I can recognise that the stories are good, but I ended the book no richer than when I started. This is often the case with me when I read short stories. There have only ever been two exceptions - Kate Atkinson's Not the End of the World and Julian Barnes' A History of the World in 10½ Chapters, which is almost a novel.

Perhaps I am just not wired to enjoy short stories, or not smart enough. But then there are those two exceptions. Shrug.

So although I didn't especially enjoy this book, I am not saying that I don't recommend it.

Three stars (out of five)

Posted by Gerald at 7:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 19, 2005

Paint by numbers = puzzle crack

Paint by numbers is a dangerous drug. Don't go there. Don't think that you can handle a tiny dose and then walk away. You can't. It will fuck with your head.

Consider yourself warned. Thank you.

Posted by Gerald at 4:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Appreciate what you have

Sometimes we need reminding how wonderful our lives are. The fact that you are reading this makes you one of the richest people on the planet, but that's just the luck of the draw, right?

True to an extent. We are lucky to be born into the families and the countries that we find ourselves. And luck does not require guilt. We don't choose to be lucky, we just are. Luck is blind.

But we rushed to donate to those affected by Katrina. They were affected by dumb luck and we helped, because we know how easily it could have been us. And because they were in our face - we can only care about what we can see.

So watch this. Sometimes it helps to be reminded. That's all.

Posted by Gerald at 7:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 18, 2005

Michel Houellebecq

...is one of my favourite authors. At the risk of a simplistic stereotype, he is a very french writer. His novels have a recurrent theme - Life's a bitch and then you die. He would call it realism. He might have a point.

His masterpiece is Atomised, the story of two brothers, completely different but equally unable to cope with life. But perhaps two sides of the same coin. One is a scientist, unable to understand human emotions, rigid, cold and clumsy. The other a sex-obsessed misfit. Only sex can validate him, and the more extreme the better.

Both characters are tragic, but Houellebecq finds comedy in tragedy, and a novel which is sad from start to finish has enough levity to soften its blow.

As an observer of humanity, of the human condition, Houllebecq is second to none. And he also makes a compelling pervert. There is more filth in his books that the average porn novel. Although, conversely, it makes a poor advert for sex. It never satisfies, and only adds to a lack of self-worth. See? Typically french.

An A to Z written by Houellebecq was published in the yesterday's Guardian, and it contained several gems:

Depression

This is the archetypal modern disease - hysteria is over. Everyone will end up prone to depression after a certain age. There's not really anything you can do about it because while the demands people make of their lives are going to go on growing, their ability to achieve them won't. There may be a chemical solution.

The advantage is that depressives can often be extremely funny. There's nothing like a good depressive for having a humorous and perceptive take on the world. I am very fond of the depressive narrator as a character. Perhaps too much so.

Femme (Woman)

My problems with women are not going to get any better. Women often find it difficult to accept pure negativity, and the fact that I have more and more female readers creates an insidious pressure to be more positive. Rather disconsolate women often ask me: "Do you really find life that disappointing?" I have to reply that I do, I don't like life, I don't like the way it's organised. The fact that a heartbreaking read can be deeply heartening is an argument that women sometimes come to understand but not always. Sometimes they want something simpler.

Nothingness

My typical narrator is often in the position of zigzagging between holes of nothingness. And strangely enough, he doesn't fall in. In practical terms, in life, I get by pretty well with nothingness. I can handle it, it doesn't frighten me.

Q / Cul (Sex)

People often say there's too much sex in my books. I don't feel there is. I've tried to understand why people get this impression. It's probably because in my books sex is treated or happens in an inappropriate way. The jump-cut style gives this impression: there's no preparation, sex happens a bit suddenly. But I think it's the fact that it's unsuccessful sex that has shocked people a lot. The impression of obscenity is much stronger with a scene of unsuccessful sex. And even so, I haven't gone that far: a few inadequate erections, but no scenes of real vaginal dryness. I could have made it even more unsuccessful. I could describe it in a totally disastrous way if I wanted to. And if people annoy me, I will!

Religion

I still think religion is needed. A society can't work without it. This is one of the roots of my pessimism: the impossibility of having a religion, given the state of our knowledge.

Posted by Gerald at 8:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 17, 2005

Calling all artists

I am an accountant and business professional. I am good at what I do because I can foresee consequences and can think of better ways of achieving the same result. I am creative. In cliche-talk, I think outside the box.

But I cannot draw. This is amply evidenced by my new favicon which, since it probably isn't immediately obvious, is supposed to be a snail. I am inept, useless, incompetent, gauche and maladroit.

If food could only be bought with art, I would have starved to death many years ago.

So... if anyone would be kind enough to create something better, I will be exceptionally grateful. And, y'know, it's not going to be difficult to improve on my oafish opus.

Details of the favicons spec are here. I made mine using GIMP 2.2, and it's not the fault of the software that my attempt is so lame.

This is my original favicon which is okay, but not especially relevant to my site. In the absence of an alternative, it will make a return.
Posted by Gerald at 9:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 16, 2005

Decluttering

The weekend will be spent idling (natch), interspersed with bursts, or at least muffled fusillades, of decluttering activity.

Working on the basis that my house will sell before I enter bankruptcy, I will be moving sometime in the next few months. Moving home is a cast iron bitch, and although I am an idler, I am a smart idler - time spent decluttering now will save me more time later on. Which is like getting paid interest on time.

I am also quite good at being ruthless (whoever she might be) when it comes to determining what should survive the cull.

My great ally in being ruthless is Freecycle. The Freecycle network is all about giving stuff away that you don't need. It's like E-bay without the hassle of having to charge money and mail stuff out. The point of Freecycle is to keep stuff out of landfill - far too much perfectly good stuff gets buried every day. Groups are set-up and run for local areas so that its easy to match up someone with a spare item and someone that wants it. When I first learned about Freecycle I didn't have a local group, so I volunteered to be the person to set one up and run it. Hurrah for me. Much more detail at freecycle.org.

Of course it is easier to throw stuff in the bin than it is to Freecycle it, but the latter has one big advantage beyond the obvious environmental one - when you have something that is perfectly good, you don't like to throw it out because it might be useful one day. By giving it to someone else it is becoming immediately useful. So rather than feel bad for throwing stuff out, you feel good for giving it a new lease of life.

Thus Freecycle makes decluttering a lot easier. Lined up for this weekend's clear-out are carpet and vinyl off-cuts, an old digital camera, PC speakers and a suitcase. All currently gathering dust and in need of a loving home.

I also give away my books through Bookcrossing.com which follows a similar principle. Any UK readers - check out my available books here. If there are any you want, let me know and I will put them in the post.

Posted by Gerald at 7:52 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 15, 2005

Quality tunage

As well as being entertained by Henry and Rio, I also occasionally listen to internet music streams.

My current source of profound sounds is totallyradio.com which hosts weekly and daily radio shows which are available for free while they are current (typically for a week), and then available in an extensive archive for paying customers.

I am prompted to post about it by this week's Solid Steel show which is a scorcher. Solid Steel is an eclectic, slightly downtempo show that has no bounds to its range, and while hugely varied manages to flow smoother indian head massage.

The scorcher in question is Solid Steel 9-Sep-05 and should be on free play for another day and a half from time of writing. Tune in.

Posted by Gerald at 7:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 14, 2005

The Guardian

The Guardian, an august British newspaper, underwent a major relaunch on Monday, shrinking from a broadsheet to a Berliner format, a kind of stretched tabloid. They even have a website just for the relaunch.

I only buy the Guardian on Saturdays so I figured I would wait until then to test drive the new format. However a combination of factors led me to buy a copy today. The factors being a post by Lilliebet about a new number puzzle in the Guardian and a train journey into London which would give me 25 minutes to kill. So I bought one and most lovely it is.

On arriving in London I was beseiged by people giving away free copies of the Guardian to promote its new format. Arse! I was offered four copies in 50 yards and for the fifth attempt I held my own copy in front of me as protection from evil. There might be a moral to this story, but it escapes me for now.

Anyway, as part of the relaunch they dropped Garry Trudeau's Doonesbury cartoon. That was Monday. Today a scraping apology appears, and the cartoon will resume next week. The Guardian is very good at making apologies (some might be tempted to suggest that it gets lots of practice), and it has even published a book of some particularly choice examples.

But choice examples happen on an almost daily basis in the Corrections and Clarifications section. To wit:

September 8: Brian Booth, the former vice chancellor of the University of Central Lancashire, who was listed in the Birthdays on page 24, September 6, died on October 24 2004. Apologies for any distress caused.

September 10: In previewing a TV programme, page 16, G2, September 8, we suggested the three members of an IRA unit shot dead in Gibraltar had planned to attack the Royal Anglican regiment. The Royal Anglian Regiment that would be.

September 10: We were right to say in a Country Diary (page 24, August 27) that the famous archaeological site of Starr Carr was discovered by an amateur, but he was John Moore, not Grahame Clark (whose name we wrongly spelt as Graham Clarke). Clark was involved in excavating Starr Carr, but did not discover it and he was not an amateur archaeologist.

September 13: In a photograph, page 24, G2, yesterday, Judi Dench is shown, not majestic as Queen Victoria in Shakespeare in Love, as the caption suggested, but majestic as Queen Elizabeth I.

September 14: In our retrospective look at the Manchester Guardian of September 12 1914, page 34, September 12, we inflicted on Winston Churchill the unlikely statement that the government was pledged to prosecute the war "to a vicarious conclusion". The original statement, as reported at the time, promised, more reassuringly, "a victorious conclusion".

And a couple from the book:

In 'The Perils of Loyalty', we referred to "the moral satin of Clinton's career". That should have read "the moral stain".

The building illustrating Simon Hoggart's Diary was not Cheltenham Town Hall, as the caption suggested. It was Boots the Chemist.

Lovely stuff.

Posted by Gerald at 5:15 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

My iPod is dying

My iPod, which goes by the name of Henry, is ill, probably terminally so.

I am his second owner, making him either second-hand or vintage, depending on your spin, and is a 2nd Gen 10Gb job.

Now he pauses for a second every 5-10 seconds, which doesn't do much for the flow of the tunage. I have tried both traditional and alternative medicine but it looks like he has had his chips.

Thankfully, I have a second mp3 player, a 5Gb Rio Carbon. This is like when you have an old dog and you get a younger one. Outwardly this is done to keep the old dog company, but inwardly it is to reduce the pain when the old hound goes to the big cosy basket in the sky.

Henry and Rio have transformed my listening habits over the last few months. I used to have several boxes of old CDs in my loft. Now I have several boxes of old CDs in my loft, but I have ripped them all at 256k onto an external hard disk.

Henry holds dance mixes, including a prodigious amount of Deep Dish, while Rio takes care of downtempo electronica, jazz and old school indie. This seems arse about face - the old duffer should be home to jazz, but anyway Rio will now need to maintain a sample of both while I decide what to do about a sudden decrease in capacity.

Plan A for Henry is to freecycle him. I figure he will be useful to someone for spares. Plan B is to bury him with full honours, although that might not constitute an ecological disposal.

Plan C is a new life as a paperweight.

Rest peacefully Henry.

Posted by Gerald at 7:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 13, 2005

Cricket

A sporting event that spans 54 days and yet is utterly gripping throughout must be rather special. And so it was. Possibly the greatest Ashes series ever, and one that has ensured that test cricket has a healthy future as a spectator and media sport.

It is not often that a sporting occasion makes me emotional, but on Sunday when the crowd gave Flintoff an ovation for his 5th wicket, I had a lump in my throat the size of Wales.

I would love to wax lyrical about the team, but I lack all necessary talent. A Ellie Arroway said, "No - no words. No words to describe it. Poetry! They should've sent a poet. So beautiful. So beautiful... I had no idea."

So I will leave it to the Bard.

That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

Forgive me while I weep with joy.
Posted by Gerald at 7:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 12, 2005

How to be Idle by Tom Hodgkinson

A weekend in which I do almost nothing is a good weekend. Over the years it has troubled me that this makes me a bit weird. Others treat weekends like an Olympic decathlon, the closer to exhaustion you get by the end of Sunday, the better the weekend it must have been.

I am also troubled by the earn/spend and borrow/spend society we seem to be in. If you work harder to earn more, but then spend all of the extra money, aren't you no better off? And if you borrow to spend, doesn't that mean you are now beholden to others, working for their benefit not your own?

Thankfully I have a friend on Tom Hodgkinson, and How to be Idle is not so much a book as a lifestyle manual.

Not that I am ready to take the plunge into the independent freelance life of the idler but at least I now know that my idling has solid foundations, a noble goal and some august companions, from Samuel Johnson to Keats.

Hodgkinson writes as a visionary looking not to convert, but just looking for fellow travellers. He explains rather than hectors and draws widely from history and the writings of idler heroes. He proves, rather too easily, that idling was the natural order until the industrial revolution ruined things for everyone.

And how can you not like a book with chapters called 'Waking up is hard to do' and 'Skiving for pleasure and profit'?

Five stars (out of five)

Posted by Gerald at 7:02 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 11, 2005

Spider tale

I was driving west from Oxford yesterday, on a fast country road. The sky ahead was dark grey and the road was slick with water, even though it wasn't raining.

It appears that a rain front was also travelling west, and I was pondering how fast it might be moving - would it manage to keep ahead of me? - when I sensed movement to my right, turned, and saw the spider. It was flying.

I should give a little background. There is a spider living in my wing mirror. One in each wing mirror. Unless there is one that is working both mirrors. I don't think there is a direct path between the two, but a spider could create one. Never underestimate a creature with eight legs.

Anyway, there are well-crafted webs covering each mirror. If I remove them, they get remade, so now I leave them be. Over time I have become quite attached to the spiders. Occasionally they peek out from behind the mirror. Comfortably small. I don't do big spiders.

Now right-hand spider was flying, or air-skiing, about a foot from the mirror. Travelling at 60mph, buffetted by the wind and trying to reel himself back in.

"Oh fuck, hang in there spider", as I slowed to 35mph, to the huge annoyance of the drivers behind, and started looking for somewhere to pull over. Not easy on a road lined with dry-stone walls. Eventually a gap appeared and I as I made ready to slew into it, the spider lost his battle with the wind and vanished from view.

In a state of some emotional distress I stopped and searched the rear of the car, just in case he had managed to lasso himself back on board. But no. The spider is lost :-(

Hopefully I will get a new tennant soon. If there are any spiders reading this, it is a roomy wing mirror with full housing and heated glass.

Posted by Gerald at 12:39 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 10, 2005

A journey into the Blogosphere

I spent a few hours last night trawling through blogland. I was using BlogExplosion.com which serves up a vaguely random selection of its registered blogs. Vaguely random in that the more active members are more likely to be served up, but that's random enough for me.

It was an interesting experience. I was surprised at how many politically partisan sites there are. Probably 40% that I visited were vitriolic, equally split left and right. But not evenly spread across the spectrum. It was generally either impeach Bush, or burn the ACLU at the stake.

Impeach Bush? Why? I am not overly familiar with the US constitution, since it marks the point at which Blighty lost its best colony, but I understand that there is a presidential election every four years. This election is essentially to choose a leader for the next four year, but is also effectively a chance to pass judgement on the previous leader.

In the meantime impeachment is available in extremis, in cases of corruption or complete unsuitability for office. The debate about Bush's competence rages, but this is not an impeachment matter, its an electoral matter.

As for the ACLU, I am even less knowledgeable, but I am confused at the repeated charge that they are anti-American. Being made up of American citizen, and using a non-violent approach, they seem to be similar to any other lobbying group, be it organised labour, church groups, or campaigning llama farmers. Possibly all of these groups are anti-American, but I suspect that really they are all part of the noble tradition of public debate.

Finally I was struck by the banner 'Make Liberalism History'. I looked up the word Liberalism - 'A political theory founded on the natural goodness of humans and the autonomy of the individual and favoring civil and political liberties, government by law with the consent of the governed, and protection from arbitrary authority.'

From browsing the site on which I found this banner, I am fairly sure that the owner was all for Liberalism, but has somehow become confused about its meaning and now thinks it means non-Republican. America is all about liberalism. The founding fathers left England in order to find political and social freedom, and the bulk of America's history has been about upholding the rights of the individual over those of the state. Without America's example, we old-world Europeans would not have many of the freedoms we have today. So how did Liberal become such a misused term? It is all most strange.

My other conclusions on my travels were that my site needs a makeover, the first stage of which has already taken place, and that hiding between all the political sites there are some particularly fine blogs. I don't have time to read more than a few, so the challenge will be to select a handful to follow out of the many many worthy candidates.

More on which later, after some house-hunting.

Posted by Gerald at 8:19 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 8, 2005

The Booker Prize

The aforegoing notwithstanding, I have just increased my average syllables per word. Ha, ha, indeed, ha.

Well no, what I was going to say is that despite my bile at the best painting in Britain nonsense, I was above averagely interested in the Booker prize shortlist announced today.

Not that I care who wins - any selection is arbitrary and more importantly I have not read any eligible novels.

I only read paperbacks (I have weak wrists and small pockets) and the Booker is for hardbacks, or more specifically for "full-length novels with scheduled publication dates between 1 October 2004 and 30 September 2005", meaning that I will not get to read them until sometime next year.

So my interest in the Booker is as an introduction to authors that I might not otherwise discover. The shortlist, combined with Amazon's customer reviews and 'people who liked this also liked...' steers me towards one or two treasures each year.

I will be reading Julian Barnes' effort anyway, since me and him get along quite well, and hopefully one of the remaining five authors will become a new-found friend.

Posted by Gerald at 7:37 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 7, 2005

Rank ranking

The Fighting Temeraire is the greatest painting in Britain, which is of course complete nonsense. Ranking art is at best pointless and at worst belittling.

It would be like comparing Miles Davis to the Beatles. And people probably do. Sigh.

'...the poll has helped stimulate public discussion about art over the breakfast tables of the United Kingdom...' is what Charles Saumarez Smith of the National Gallery thinks, but I think he is more than a little out of touch with the breakfasting habits of the nation.

That the vote was promoted by BBC Radio 4 makes it doubly bollocks. An art poll by radio, surely a cruel joke.

Then again, given that the National Gallery portray the winner as above, and the Guardian portray it as here on the left, maybe it was wise that the vote was blind. There appears to be a difference of opinion over what the winner looks like. Posted by Gerald at 6:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 5, 2005

Tech porn

The Sony PSP is tech porn, and while I know it is porn, designed to flare my nostrils, I cannot override my lust with the brute force of intelligence.

The caveman within me no longer desires a cave, an animal skin and a shag; he now wants a comfy sofa, a PSP and a shag.

Intelligence does manage to get the occasional word in edgeways, and it runs along the lines of 'you will only play it for a couple of weeks then get bored.'

True, true, but when did lust ever think beyond the next three hours? (yes, I flatter myself)

If the caveman had the benefit of a learned counsel, he would point out that MP3-player lust had longevity beyond consummation, and laptop lust likewise, but the caveman can merely point, grunt and scratch his crotch.

And it is hard to disagree with him.

Posted by Gerald at 8:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 4, 2005

The Making of Henry by Howard Jacobson

I must be getting old. It wasn't so many years ago that this type of novel would bore me rigid - a retrospective of a life, thin on plot but rich in wry observations. Now I am entertained and enriched by such tales.

Henry Nagel is a bitter 60 year-old. He didn't become bitter - he was always that way. Bitter at the fortune of others, at their perceived breaks in life, and always caught up on events from his childhood that didn't so much shape him as enslave him.

Out of the blue Henry inherits an apartment in St John's Wood, with its source hidden behind a firm of solicitors. He meets Lachlan, an equally bitter neighbour, and Moira, a waitress that seems to like him for who he is. Henry's life might be taking a turn for the better. Not that Henry accepts good fortune gracefully - it is not easy to skip with joy when you carry tons of emotional baggage.

But some gift horses wait patiently while you look them in the mouth, and perhaps, after all these years, could this be the making of Henry?

Five stars (out of five)

Posted by Gerald at 10:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 2, 2005

New Orleans

An incredible natural disaster has occurred and it's almost as if the world wants to gloss over it. Sweep it under the carpet and avoid looking at the part of the floor.

There are some incredible stories being posted online. Here is one that shocked me, but tragically it is only one amongst many.

It is from The Interdictor, just regular heroes in irregular times:

Posted by Gerald at 3:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

This ain't au revoir...

...this is goodbye.(*)

I quit my job this morning, having accepted a new job the day before.

After five years at Amazon, I decided a couple of months ago to look for something new. Wonderful though Amazon is (and it really is) it has become too big and hierarchical for me to enjoy. It's not as much fun as it was, and the moment you start thinking that, it's time to move.

My new job is Finance Director (aka CFO) of an independent UK multi-channel retailer. Meaning it sells via internet, mail-order catalogue and retail stores.

I start my new job on 3 October, so my last day at Amazon will be on/before 30 September. In that time I need to get somewhere to live nearer to my new company. My house is already on the market, but there will be some overlap even if it sells tomorrow.

It will be a frantic month, followed by a very exciting new dawn.

Posted by Gerald at 8:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack